Saturday, April 25, 2009

a trip to the library

Today, I asked my parents to drop me off at the library on their way to the store. They did. I needed to check out books about Cedar Point because I must do a 15 minute presentation on its history on Tuesday.

I found the books I needed. I looked in the YA section to see if they'd gotten a copy of Paper Towns yet, which they had. Hooray. I wrote little notes for PT and a copy of Alaska. No Katherines. I feel bad for that book. It is always left behind.

While I was writing the notes, two boys, teenagerishlike, kept snickering quite loudly at something they were watching on one of the computers. This went on for a good ten minutes. I went back to the YA books to stick the notes in there, and when I passed by the computers, they were still laughing. It was loud. They were being disruptive. The information help desk librarian was not happy. She told them very sternly that she had asked them multiple times to leave that site, and if you don't comply with what I am saying- no, I've asked you repeatedly to stop, now, etc etc. And they just back talked and mumbled and said things under their breath.

NOW. MAN. If ANYONE EVER reprimands me like she did them, I think about it. Constantly. Feel horribly. For the entire day. And then at night. And then intermittently throughout that week. And seriously. I will remember it for the rest of my life. And it will haunt me. And I will feel like crap, and there will be a big knot of regret in my stomach whenever I think about it.

I know all the people I wronged in first grade. I feel terrible about each and every one of them. No amount of apologizing and accepted apologies makes me feel any less worse. And these things aren't even IMPORTANT! They're the most trivial slights. So much so that the people they were against forgot about them within that week. Month maybe. But I remember the time I wrote "Sara Corey has no brain" on that freaking activity card with that freaking grease pencil in first grade. It kills me.

I highly doubt Sara Corey even remembers who I am.


  1. I'm just like that too. When I was about 8 I was over at this girls house. My Mom worked with hers, so we were made to be friends whilst they drank coffee.

    We were once playing with water pistols, and I accidentally took one home with me. Only, me being me, by the time I had it home it was broken.

    I panicked and tried to fix it with Pritt Stick (paper glue) and tears. In the end, my Mom explained for me, and nothing really came of it.

    I still feel guilty to this day..

  2. oh man. this is terrible. i would say i do the same thing but i don't its a little different for me.

    if i am reprimanded in front of a crowd, that's when i will remember it forever. or if i say something bad and get caught by the person, then yeah i think about it all the time.

    i remember in 9th grade i was on the bus and someone said something really mean and i am pretty sure i said something mean back. and i thought to myself, oh no this is going to be in my memory forever of what that person said. and it did, for about 3 years. but today i cannot for the life of me remember even what it was about.

    it's a good thing you have a conscious though, i think that's important.

  3. Leaving nerdfighter notes, FTW! Poor Katherines is like the red-headed stepchild of John's books :-p but I love it just the same as the others if not maybe a little more.

    I think it's a good thing to feel bad about times we've wronged others because it helps us keep from doing that to anyone again. Yay consciences!

  4. Haha, I really like finding notes in nerdfighter books, but haven't actually written any myself. Good to know you're keeping the spirit alive!

  5. I like leaving notes in books for the next person to read. And I know exactly what you mean, I always remember it forever when I get reprimanded by someone. It is like a cloud that hangs over me constantly.


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