Wednesday, August 18, 2010

man babies

I don't know what to write about; there is 10 minutes until midnight. I decided that I'm making the every day part of BEDA mean before I go to sleep and not actually the day day like before midnight because otherwise all of my blogs ever will be rushed.

But today I want to finish before midnight, mostly so I can see how many words I can type in ten minutes.

If I had things to say! Uh! I don't know!

I like children a lot if they are nice children and not bratty; you really can tell a lot about a family/parents by how their kid acts. There's such a wide spectrum of kid behavior, and in my opinion it's pretty much all a result of how they're raised. I've known a lot of babies and children and have seen a lot of them grow up into like 8th graders and etc; my mom has done daycare from our house for a long long time. But now she's stopping that and has slowly been slowing down over the past year or so and now only has two or three days with kids left and then she's done. But anyway, it makes me feel so old. A child that I held when it was a few weeks or months old is now in 3rd or 4th or 5th grade? Something like that. And obviously I've been around to see people who are a lot older than that now be born, but I have a specific memory of holding him and watching him when he was so little, I remember it exactly. And my mom has watched him this whole time up until a year or so ago, and he still sometimes comes over, and to see someone grow from that to this, to have them around a lot, but not being related to them, to see how they change as they get older, their mannerisms emerge and they mature and what they like and etc, because you don't have that kind of influence that you'd normally have if you were around a kid that much, they're someone else's, I don't know, IT'S JUST WEIRD.

That didn't make much sense, but I guess what I am trying to say is that it is so weird to see someone grow up. Things always feel the same to me and I don't like change and I like routine and sometimes I get so involved in that that being reminded by this kind of a simple thing, the "wow, you've grown!" is so jarring at times and amazing and strange and I almost feel privileged to be in a position where I can witness something like that, but now that's going away mostly and I will miss it but I won't miss when the kids slam down the toilet lid at 7am and wake me up.


my day
i got a waffle iron
and a webcam
i am on tokbox now
and for the last five minutes
i have been watching my eye
dart back and forth
on the screen

Monday, August 16, 2010

very short TOO BAD

Okay so this was today:

I went over to my aunt's house to help her fix her wireless printer which was not working. She had a copy of An Abundance of Katherines on her table and it was weird and cool. Went home and read a book then went to a butterfly garden with my mom and her two daycare kids Bennett and Becca. It was really really rad and I got a lot of great pictures. There was some other stuff there too that we looked at, animals in things, and a play area, then we walked into the woods/by the river/on a trail right there and we dropped sticks from the bridge and raced them and then we went down by the creek and skipped rocks and Bennett who is like 5 or 6 could do it way better than I could and kept skipping them all the way across the river IT WAS CRAZY.

I'm using internet explorer at the moment because firefox is being really slow and so there's no spell check so APOLOGIES.

Then we went back into the butterfly thing and I took more pictures and it was adorable then we went home.

Then I went up to computer place to get my computer back. The people did all this weird crap to it and it wasn't like the default settings you'd get if you got a new computer, which it was supposed to be, at least that was what I thought, so I've been having to change a toooon of settings and appearance things and it's annoying and now I'm trying to install all the programs I had before and it's taking so long and I'm going crazy. But at least it works.

Then home and we had corn on the cob aka the greatest thing. And I read Going Bovine a bunch and am going to beat Sierra hopefully and yeah and yeah. Itunes is taking 50 years to install I hate u itunes.


Sunday, August 15, 2010

things that are pleasurable for a finite amount of time and then make you feel bad

a list (these are not all from personal, firsthand experiences but some are and some i am feeling the effects of this very moment)
  • chinese food
  • weed
  • twilight
  • killing someone
  • making fun of nerdfighter secrets
  • drinking
  • smacking maddie in the face
  • cookie dough ice cream debate
  • memes
  • sleeping for a day
  • emotional breakdown on twitter
  • letting your dog drive the car
  • listening to hindsight is 20/20 for 2 hrs on repeat
  • busting loose
  • amusement park water ride
  • skipping drawing class (no mom this is a sometimes hypothetical not from experience list)
  • watching the next food network star
  • chewing on a silly band
  • taking all the clothes out of your dresser
  • walking to the post office in 95 degree weather and wearing 2 shirts
  • kick a ababy@

Saturday, August 14, 2010

i live in ohio

Ohio is a pretty cool state. I know that it is usually used as the stereotypical plain boring soulless place in tv shows and etc. One time on Arthur, Arthur's family was having a family reunion and at one part Arthur tells his class about it and that some of his relatives came from Ohio and the whole class goes "OoOoOoOooo Ohiiiiiiooo" in the most sarcastic ever voice, and that made me sad, when I was little. And also that they brought him maple syrup from Ohio, which I don't think that's even a thing here? Or at least definitely not something we are known for.

But yeah. I like Ohio. We get actual seasons, hot hot way too freaking hot summers and winter and feet of snow and so on. There are a lot of interesting things here too. I think that can be said for any place or town, no matter how much people complain or say that their town is boring and THERE'S NOTHING TO DO! but there is. There is, at the very least, a lot to learn, a lot of local history.

I've always been enthralled by that kind of stuff. When I was 13 or 14, there was this little camp or week long activity thing at one of the historic old homes near the library; the house is called The Hickories. It was ridiculously neat. We learned about the different styles of houses and architectural features in the area and what life was like in the 1800s or 1900s or whatever time period and we made some foods that were made back then: some kind of cornbread and a maple syrup candy, which okay maybe we do do things with maple syrup, all right? I don't know.

The whole week was very fun and nerdy, but I was and am a nerd, duh.

Also Ohio, just northeast Ohio, has Cedar Point and Geauga Lake or Six Flags or whatever it's called now and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Great Lakes Science Center which is one of my favorite places ever.

And right near there, there is an old World War II submarine in the harbor, the USS Cod. I went there on a field trip in high school, and it was one of the neatest things I've ever experienced. There was so much stuff packed into that tiny space, every part and place having a function and made to be of maximum efficiency. We had to almost crawl through some of the doorways, and there was a lot of ladder climbing. It even had an ice cream maker. To think that all those men lived in there, that that 312 foot piece of steel and whatever had everything needed to sustain them and fight and travel and submerge, that it was built in 1942, that it still exists and is a thing anyone can walk through and see now, that is so awesome to me. Everything is as it was then. It's like a time capsule of life, a weird eerie glimpse into what it was like to live on, and plus the old technology, it was so freaking fascinating. If you want to see some stuff about it, here is its site, and really check out the virtual tour; it gives a pretty good sense of what it is like to be in there.

Another thing Ohio has a lot of is canals. We went on a field trip to some of those too once, and again, it was cool EVERYTHING IS SO COOL. We went to a lot of shops and got to ride a canal boat. I don't remember much other than that but I do remember that it was rad and that I want to go there again.

One more thing I just remembered that I will talk about and then I will stop; I'm sorry; a lot of this is probably bland and very vague for people who are not me, but all of these old memories have popped into my brain and I am going to take an Ohio history course this semester, which I guess is what made me think of all this etc etc ok.

Johnson's Island was a prison camp for confederate prisoners of war that is in Lake Erie. I did a report on it in junior high and was always fascinated (how many times fascinated and interested I need more words to say things with. with which to say things) by all of it. Like in the winter when the lake froze, men would try to escape by walking over the ice to what is now Cedar Point or Sandusky or Marblehead. After the war, there was an attempt to make it a ~pleasure place~ and it rivaled Cedar Point for a while until the buildings kept catching on fire and they gave up. A few years ago I got to go up there with my family and it was cool and creepy to see all of the stuff there, the cemetery and little visitor's center that had a lot of artifacts and letters and documents and such. Most of the island is private property now though and people live on it.

CONCLUSION: Ohio is cool and history owns and there is history everywhere and you should check out your city or town or area; there is a lot to learn and it is rad.

Friday, August 13, 2010

i just typed a bunch of stuff

I want to be more positive! I feel like I get caught up in bad and unchangeable or just petty petty things and it's dumb to do that and it makes everything hard and awful. Cynicism is so easy and it is simple to resort to that and it distances you from a lot of things and detaches you from emotion and also irony and all the layers and layers of meanness and coldness and depreciating things until you are so far away that you're numb to everything and your feelings are buried so deep under so many layers of crap that it's suffocating and lonely and I don't want to be that way any more. I want to be grateful and earnest and direct and encouraging and I don't want to make fun of people or the things they enjoy or taunt or mock.

Mostly because my conscience is ridiculously harsh and uptight and I feel guilty about and over everything for forever and pathetically so; I can never forget the crap I've done to people. I am a guilt hole. Haha that sounds gross or something.

But so yes! Be more encouraging! Be nice! Find the good in things! Appreciate the things you have!

For the past week I have been wanting SO badly to go to the beach or mountains or rivers or somewhere expansive and huge and overwhelming and nature is so calming and beautiful and gahhh I gotta get out of the city and away from pavement and street lights and look at the stars and take in the radness of life and the universe is pretty neat.

I do not know what this says even I just typed the things in my brain; they are probably not coherent!

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Things I did today:
  • Woke up at 10:30.
  • Made a pizza.
  • Walked up to computer repair place with my computer. They are just going to do stuff to it to make it like new again; I have everything backed up, so it shouldn't be a problem. And it will be ready on Monday! And it was only like dollars 90!
  • Got a frosty at Wendy's. I love you Wendy.
  • Requested transcripts to send to Cleveland State for college thing.
  • Read a lot of House of Leaves.
  • Went to Big Lots where I got a few good movies for dollars three each; one of which is The Squid and the Whale, which, I think, is from where the very rad band Noah and the Whale got their name. Also I bought silly bands. Ok. They glow in the dark and are shaped like mythical creatures and rock music instruments. Ok. I felt bad/embarrassed about buying them because the cashier was like 30-40 but then I saw she was wearing some too so.
  • Went to the post office to mail something but forgot my debit card so I just weighed it and figured out how much the postage will cost and will put a bajillion stamps on it later.
  • Read more of House of Leaves which is freaking me out more and more and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhh gasps. No no no no!
  • Wrote a blog (it's this blog!!!!!!!)
  • Watched The Squid and the Whale (We are gettin all crazy messing with the fabric of time and continuums are being ripped to shreds, watch out!).
Also interspersed in there are a lot of twitter refreshings and tumblr checkings and etc.

Oh also also Andrew and I exchanged many computer weepings and gnashings of teeths.

And I drank a lot of milk.

today was somewhat a little bit productive

Ok so it's 1:25 in the morning so this is late but not really because I have not slept yet, or I have but just for like two hours; a nap.

I just paid for and finalized my application to Cleveland State. I had it all filled out earlier, but the payment wouldn't go through, but it did now! I have very little time to get everything in order with this. I didn't think that applying would be necessary this semester but apparently it is, and also I need to set up an appointment with a counselor from CSU and actually go on campus to discuss classes that I can take through LCCC that would be transferable, so this is going to be stressy as classes start in like two weeks and I don't know even if the ones that I can take will be not full by then so.

But I applied! And so now I must wait.

Also figured out what probably needs to be fixed w/r/t my laptop thanks to Mr Bill Dr Noise which is that the hard drive is going bad. Going to take it to a place that apparently is good and does free diagnostic-y things to make sure which I wish my mom had told me about earlier but what can you do.

Man, I don't know what else to say. I read a bunch more of House of Leaves, and it is really frustrating. I know a lot of people really like the way it's laid out and all but honestly it's ridiculously distracting. I just want to be able to READ but all the stupid backwards text and footnote footnote footnotes running in tiny columns, sideways, reversely is driving me freaking insane. It took me a good 10 minutes a few pages back to trace the footnotes within footnotes back to their origin to find where I left off in the story and keep reading. Just. Come on. And now I'm reading a bunch of letters and one that is a few pages long is encrypted so that the first letter of each WORD actually spells out the message, and not the words themselves. Which takes a good bit of effort to read; I've resorted to writing them out. I know the section is probably available online somewhere but I did not have access to a computer etc arghgahhhhghhh annoying book.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

objects or ideas or places or people

Thank you for your suggestions everyone.
  • Goats: I like goats. They make cute faces and noises and sometimes they have cute little beards. And the Mountain Goats, duh. They are little garbage disposals. I want a goat in my back yard; I would feed it glue and milk it and make soap.
  • Number Two Pencils: They are ok. I used to always wonder why they were number two and not number one or number fifteen or something, but then I took art classes, and they're 2B pencils, right? That is what that is, isn't it? I'm not really sure, but I don't want to know either, so don't look it up on google or tell me. Just. Be cool. Number two pencils always the enigma. Please.
  • Shoes: I LOVE SHOES!!!!!! I always buy just running shoes, though. They are nice and they make you feel all tippy toey and like you could do a jig any time, any where.
  • My Favorite John Green Video: Yes I like my favorite John Green video! It is this one. But my mom said no.
  • Bagels: I like bagels. I eat them all day long. They are good with peanut butter; they are good with cream cheese; they are good with eggs. Bagels bagels bagels.
  • Fortune Cookies: BOGUS!
  • Airplanes: I could really use a wish right now wish right now wish right now. Not really. I have flown on one airplane to Kansas and back and I liked it. I would like to fly on more airplanes for longer distances. And during the day, though the night was pretty too.
  • Mice: I love mice because Sara doesn't like them at all and they make her do hilarious tweets on twitter dot com.
  • Beaches: I like beaches. I've only been to beaches on Lake Erie, so my beach knowledge/appreciation is pretty limited. But they are good places to take pictures and to smell rotting fish and to step on rotting fish with your bare foot :(
Again, I thank you for your suggestions of words for me to give my opinion of. Where is that last preposition supposed to go? I do not know.
Thank you and good day.

Monday, August 9, 2010

ok so

~*~this is just copied from tumblr, hence the lack of capitalization; i didn't know or think it was going to turn into that big of a mopey rant/whatever, so it's good enough to use for beda too, i guess~*~

i've waited way way way too long to choose something to do w/r/t school and i still don't know but it's come to that point where my unwillingness and apathy are trumped by absolute necessity, but it turns out i waited too long in this case because classes start this month and i don't know what i want to do, or rather i just decided.

it's not what i want--i don't want anything. i have no drive or ambition whatsoever.

but so ok i've decided (not really but i'm not going to keep making this distinction, it is what it is. this isn't making any sense probably i'm sorry but i'm completely freaked out and lost and scared and i need to just say things) that i want to go for a ba in english (i guess) which hopefully, ideally, will be two more years of school.

and then start on a masters of library sciences etc etc whatever, hopefully through the university partnership program that the local community college i've been going to offers, through Kent State.

so i talked to a counselor at LCCC to discuss things about what bachelors program i should go into or w/e; i don't know any of the technical terms for any of these things, ok, and she said it would be best to ask the Kent people what would be ideal or the best preparation for pursuing a library masters thing.

so i did that and they replied and said that they didn't know if they would even be offering the library science masters partnership thing in two years, or whenever i was ready to enroll, but that something in the liberal arts field would be best and computer somethings courses also.

which ok that is. ok. i don't know.

none of the partnership things through lc really are liberal artsy, except for psychology through cleveland state, but i don't think that would really be very relevant at all.

and plus i just discovered that most of the university partnership program things require applications like 4 weeks ago, so i can't even do that for this upcoming semester.

but cleveland state has an english program, obviously, a normal type thing, and they have some kind of campus or center in westlake which is not too far away (all of this frustration and these problems stem from my complete lack of independence and self sufficientness and laziness and apathy and fear and fear and fear, so like going to an actual college that is not near here is pretty much completely out of the question, at least in my mind).

but i don't know what courses or things are available there, and what online, and like i said it's too late for this semester anyway.

so my mom says that i could find some classes here to take at LC this semester that would work and transfer and count to the bachelors at cleveland state and that i need to find out if that's possible and but what ones are and how do i tell that and there are so many things and my mom just keeps saying 'call people, ask them, find out' but i don't have any idea of who to call or what to ask or what to say when they need more information about anything from me and i am completely incapable of all of this or rather, actually, too stuck up in my fear of people and phones and change and talking and doing things for myself and making mistakes or seeming dumb or not having the answers to anything. i have no idea where to start or don't want to think about what i need to do to GET an idea of where to start. my mind is so screwed up and i don't know how to do so much or i don't want to think about any of this ever and i don't want to grow up

Sunday, August 8, 2010

old people elderly old old old

This entry is brought to you by Very Tired Valerie(tm) and the letter P.

I don't know you guys I've been asleep for the past twoish hours and once again have awoken to blog. Really very incoherent and I don' know you guys.

We went to concert at a park place that had an amphitheater and when we got there it was like 500 old people and two children. I was lured into going by promises of 50s music, which hey 50s music is pretty good and cool. I did not know that this was a geriatric band. I am not being mean in saying that either. All of the band's members were probably over 40. They all were sitting down, the lead guitarist in an actual literal rocking chair. That was very disappointing. Then they said their name. It was totally incomprehensible the entire show and I had no idea what they were saying until my cousin Abby oh so unnecessarily called out for a flyer for their tour dates from an old lady walking around handing them out to people. They were called the GeezeCats. Geeze Cats Dot Com, Son. So there was that, strike two in what turned out to be a night, an avalanche, an unending roll of strike after strike after strike after strike.

I don't know where I'm getting these stupid sayings from or why I keep employing them so idiotically; nothing was even really bad, just pathetically old and feeble and I felt like Hank Green at that banjo concert in Florida with like how could this even take place without at least one elderly person keeling over.

So anyway the place was very full and but we had plenty of room to spread our blanket on part of the hill to the side of the stage because it was just angled enough for the old peeps to not risk attempting to balance/steady themselves there in folding lawn chairs. A lady right below us actually did half fall over in her chair onto another old lady next to her, it was p funny.

And whatever whatever, the band played so generically and blandly and my sister and cousin Abby and I spent the time taking weird semi-unintentionally model-like pictures and playing with silly putty that got all stuck all over and on my silly band, which did I mention my other cousin gave me one, an orange one that is a cat, when we were at breakfast at Bob Evans the other day. Bob Evans.

Blob Evans.

We left before the concert was over.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


All right so I am not in a very motivated or thinking mood right now so I don't know. I finished Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions today, and like with any other book that is Important or Different or I guess Emphatic, I find that I am much too easily swayed and moved and confused and messed up by other people's opinions or words or stories or ideals or anythings.

I am very sensitive to most things in that kind of a sense-- I take in everything and consider it and digest it, and way too often all of those other people's everythings have much too big of an impact on me and either beat me down or rile me up. I should be more resilient towards these things but I'm not. It doesn't have to do with just reading or books either, but I really am like a stupid sponge and can't keep opinions of my own safe and I am vulnerable to everything and everything pushes and pulls and I end up not knowing what I even think any more.

I can't read book reviews or my opinion of whatever book it is becomes tainted by them and I don't know if *I* even liked the book. I write things off or say they're crap or CAN'T give things a shot because I know the context of them and I've figured out how I'm SUPPOSED to feel about them, built from the context and so on of others and I hate or dislike so many things that I would or could probably enjoy if I just went at them with no knowledge of their social or etc standings and lights and it's intensely frustrating, but I can't do anything about it. I try, I try, but I am vulnerable and take in cynicism and hate and unfair judgements and unfounded praise and hype and then I am all of those combined and don't know what to think.

This isn't meant to be whiny or depressing or complaints; it's just the way things are with me and I'm frustrated a lot about how much good stuff I'm missing out on because of the aforementioned.

Friday, August 6, 2010

african safari wildlife park cute fun thing

I am not looking forward to attempting to embed pictures on this dang blogger/blogspot blog! I would much rather do this on tumblr, but all my BEDA blogs are going on here so oh well. Deal w/it, self.

Today I got up at like 7:30 A REASONABLE HOUR, actually EARLY, and I'd gotten a full night's sleep beforehand too! What is happening! But I got up because we were going to breakfast at Bob Evan's, and we did; we picked up our cousins Abby and Jess and went to Bob Evan's and there was a lady in the parking lot who thought she was a car I guess and I said A GREAT BUZZKILL. Arka/Maddie would be proud.

Holy crap blogger you are so bad at images.

So we ate at Bob Evan's and it was really good and I got one of the things that has a little of everything bc I adore breakfast foods.

Then we went to African Safari Wildlife Park which is a park for wildlife that you can drive through in your car or van and you get a little bucket of feed pellets that if an animal grabs the bucket you are supposed to LET GO. And I had the bucket and right when we pulled in and started through the thing and got to the part where you could roll down your windows and feed the animals, an alpaca grabbed my bucket and I tried to not let him have it but he pulled really hard and took it and then we had no more food for the rest of the drive through except for all the pellets that were flung on my lap and in the front seat and one got stuck in the air conditioner vents oops.

The animals could come quite close to us, you can tell. They stuck their heads inside the van a lot of times.

Also I just took a nap and slept too long and it's 12:09 am right now :(

Those are pics from the first time we went through. Then we walked around the other parts and things they had while waiting for it to be time for the pig races.

We were all too fat to ride the camel.

There were 4 pigs that were racing and the stands around the track were color coordinated and we sat in the orange section and so cheered for Dale Swinhart Jr.

We thought the race would take a long time and that the pigs would be slow but they freaking RAN they were little pig bullets. It was astonishing.

Our pig won. EVERY TIME.

Then we went through the park again. My mom p much forced my cousin Jess to drive and she was slightly terrified at first but did a better job than my mom did and it was much better the second time through.

Then after we went through again, we left and stopped at McDonalds THE WORST MCDONALDS I'VE EVER BEEN TO. They took so long and kept saying that everything cost extra but in a mean way. It took at least 25 minutes for me to get my food. And then it was all cold! But it was ok. We had coupons for free smoothies and mine was soooo good. Hah this entry is now very much sucking in terms of, like, quality and good sentence structure and coherentness and me not sounding like my 15 year old blogging self I don't know what I'm saying any more even. But ok yes it was a fun day and I am tired and am going to go to bed now, all right.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


Ok I was in bed, completely content, in that perfect position with the blankets so comfortable and everything was heavenly and I was just about to start to drift off to sleep when I remembered dumb BEDA I didn't do yet. Just kidding it's not dumb but ugh.

Since I obviously cannot write about the topic that my BEDA friend peeps are talking about, which is patronuses (patroni?) and boggarts, whatever those are, and some other Harry Potter thing, I was going to write about something I've noticed about David Foster Wallace's writing.

It was going to be brilliant and well thought out and clever and right on and good, but it would have/will take a while to work out to get it exactly right the way I want to say it, and I've just been asleep for the past four or five hours and very much want to return to slumber presently, so that is not going to happen today.

Instead, I will deconstruct an old childhood playground taunt song that reading Breakfast of Champions made me think about and tell you how wrong and dumb and ridiculous it is.

So ok.

I see London
I see France
I see whoever's underpants
Could be blue
Could be pink
I don't know but they sure do stink

This is just completely rife with logical fallacies I mean come on.

You cannot possibly see London or France at the same time. You can't even see one of them, unless you live there, which the children on playgrounds of my youth did not. I suppose you could be LOOKING at a PICTURE of London or France, but that would be ridiculous and dumb.

Furthermore, if you do, in fact, see their underwear, the next two lines are redundant and useless, with the third being just wrong. Which because if you see their underpants, of course you know what color they are.

Unless you are color blind which is unfortunate and perhaps the reason you have taken to bullying other children about their undergarments as you are frustrated and mad that they know the difference between red and green and constantly flaunt this fact and relentlessly tease you with little songs they made up, skipping around you in circles whilst singing about turquoise and chartreuse, I don't know, that's how children work.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

all right cool thing virus broken rip

So like an hour ago I got a billion pop up alerts and things saying my computer was infected and that all sites were attack sites and the thing that was saying all of this was not a virus protection program I had installed which was not good and I couldn't open any windows or programs because it said everything was a threat, the virus program that is itself not a virus program but a virus did, so then I tried to restart my computer in safe mode to begin the process of extricating the virus but then it wouldn't and won't load past a certain thing and the screen is just black and it won't start up normally now either sooooooooooooo I am talking to a Windows person and things are progressing slowly but I have a feeling that they are not progressing at all in actuality?? End my life.

I don't know what to write about besides that as it is p much entirely consuming my brain's mental processes at the moment. I was planning on posting pictures of pages and cool things from one of the annotated Harry Potter books I've gotten so far, but I am on our old old laptop which's screen is dead and is hooked up to a nice monitor but the computer is just a bad old slow laptop that sucks and I don't want to even try to import pictures onto this thing.

The very polite and hopefully helpful Nazrul H has just told me that there is only one more thing we can try before the last option which is the reinstallation of Windows :( which does that delete stuff? I mean I assume it would. But not all the stuff. I don't know anything about computers.

Sorry this is the worst blog of all time and of interest to no one ever.

I really do abuse my laptop, and it is two years old now and is on pretty much 24/7 which is awful and I use it all day and I've never had any problems with viruses before so this was pretty inevitable but come on! BOOOOOOO.

Um umm tomorrow I have that aforementioned meeting with a college/career counselor tomorrow which hopefully will set some things up or make them clearer, at least. And then on Friday I am going with my family and my cousins to African Safari Wildlife Park, one of those things where you drive your car through a thing and the giraffes stick their heads in your window and lick your face or bite you or whatever. We used to go there a lot. They have camel rides and I guess pig races which I don't remember ever seeing before though my mom swears we did. So that will be fun hopefully. I want to get a lot of good pictures; that would be rad. AND WOULD MAKE A GOOD BLOG!

I think that that is all for today. This has been a good distraction whilst waiting for Nazrul to respond to the idiotic things I am typing at him/her.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

my sleeping patterns really need to change

So I've just woken up again, with 45 minutes of the day left. I am with Zack; why does blogger/blogspot have two names it doesn't make any sense at all.

Ok so on Thursday I am going to see a counselor at college to talk about my future educational plans and what classes I'll need to be able to fulfill those plans and if those plans are even possible through LCCC which is a local community college that you really can only get associate's degrees from but which has partnership programs for many bachelor's and master's (I don't care where those apostrophes are supposed to go) degrees where you take classes at LC or online but take them through other colleges like Ohio State or Bowling Green.

I'm not sure what I want to do yet, but I need to choose something now, and for now I'm going with library/information science which is a master's degree program and available through Kent State. But that is a master's degree thing and I only have an associates which is p much 2 years of classes, and you need to have a bachelor's before you can go for your master's, obviously. And so I'm not sure what I'm going to be able to do with that. I don't know what degree would best benefit me or prepare me for the master's thing.

Plus and it's a MASTER'S DEGREE and I don't want to go to school any more I don't I don't I just want to be a librarian maybe or just be around books or just something I don't know I am apathetic and indecisive and unmotivated and scared and I don't want to do anything ever!!!!!!!!!!1

Also we're babysitting my neighbors' fish and it's a beta fish in one of those typical beta fish vases with colored rocks in the bottom and plants stuck in the top and it's just a little vase and what a sad life to live, even for a fish.

edit: I wrote this post in 12 minutes which I think is pretty good considering I just just woke up and I don't know what the heck I'm talking about.

Monday, August 2, 2010

another beda thing family and something i woke up very late

Hi hey hello today is August second almost not even that any more. I have a very very bad sleep schedule and just woke up like 15 minutes ago. I was up earlier today though and there were daycare kids here and we watched some of the Lindsay Lohan version of the Parent Trap. That movie is great and my sister used to not be allowed to watch the part with the lizards crawling on the mean lady because she had nightmares about it.

I guess we are supposed to talk about our families today?? I don't know; I have a sister Kara who is 16 and who is painfully the typically teenagery kind of person. She likes the worst music, very seriously 'whatever's on the radio played at a reasonable volume'. She is about the same height as me which is about 5'10" but is lankier. She takes like 2 hours to get ready in the morning. She plays volleyball and basketball at school and is pretty good at both though better at volleyball. She isn't aggressive enough (on the court, believe me she is plenty aggressive @ me and other things) to be a really good basketball player. She just got her ear pierced which was a big thing and broke up with her boyfriend who she was dating for like a year and a half or something who I didn't like who just pretty much grunted all the time and didn't speak clearly ever and who was a very bleh kind of person and not very nice to people in general except for her which ugh. But so yeah that's all she's been driving a lot recently which is terrifying because she is STILL not very good at turning.

And my parents are normal typical parents. My mom does daycare at our house, which she has done for like 10 years, maybe? Before that she was an accountant at a law firm. Right now she doesn't have very many kids and doesn't watch them very often. My grandma has pretty bad Alzheimer's and still lives alone (which she definitely shouln't at this point), and my mom goes over there pretty much every day to make sure she's ok and take care of things and make sure she hasn't put laundry detergent in the dryer or cat litter in the laundry basket or her pill dispenser in the microwave. Other than that, she likes gardening and playing Hearts on the internet and reading facebook every hour of the day and following everything I ever do or say online ever. Which she is reading this right now I am sure ugh.

My dad works at General Plug, a factory kind of place that makes plugs. Which I have never been too sure exactly what they do but from deformed pieces he's brought home, I can tell you that they are big heavy blobby metal things. I think they have to do with lawnmowers and other machines like that. He likes airplanes a lot and all things related to them in wars and etc. He likes taking care of his leather jacket(s?) all the time, putting polish or whatever it is that you put on leather things, and the jackets have a billion military and NASA and etc patches all over them which I find really amusing as he's never served in or done anything w/r/t military stuff. He also has a giant collection of hats that he always tries to make larger though he is normally stopped by my mom because he doesn't need that many hats at all duh!! And never hardly wears the ones he has any more, even.

Also I'm supposed to say five words that I always misspell:
1. jewelery
2. hallelujah
3. annihilate
4. silhouette
5. coliseum

Sunday, August 1, 2010


Today is August first! The first day of August! And people decided that it would be Blog Every Day August! Or Vlog Every Day August! Even the name BEDA makes me happy because the ED implies that every day is, in fact, two words in this type of usage which is a good and wonderful and true thing. I'm typing this while listening to Katie and Geri and Maddie and Blaze and MANAR (I HAVE MISSED YOU MANAR) talk in a call made possible by skype dot com, and whenever I try to think to type when there are other people?? my type of typing is weird, and also when I type blogs specifically to type blogs I phrase things differently and oddly and strangely and I don't know whatever never mind.

Haha I keep trying to go on John Green's old website to find a blog post and it keeps telling me it's full of viruses NICE.

So for the first day I am doing an introductory post-ish? And then telling you five hobbies or things I like or enjoy that not very many people know about.

I did BEDA in April last year and actually completed it, though a few entries were posted slightly after midnight, I did it I did it I did it ok.

And things I like that nobody probably knows:

I like fire! A lot. I like burning things and setting things on fire and etc. A few days ago I roasted miniature marshmallows in my living room, which my mom who woke up to go to the bathroom at 3 am was not very pleased about. A bunch of times on hot or bright days I like to go outside with a magnifying glass and try to set leaves on fire or burn holes in plastic bottles or whatever. It is very fun.

Honeysuckles like the flowers are so amazing, and we have a bunch of bushes on the back fence in our back yard, and every summer when they are bloomed, I love going back there and picking a bunch, just the flower part, and then pulling the stamen out through the bottom and there is like nectar in there that is really good. And they smell nice but they attract a lot of bugs which is dumb and bad.

Sledding is one of my favorite things ever, and winter and snow and being outside in all of it. One of the only reasons I like Ohio at all is because it has good real winters with cold enough temperatures to sustain snow. A lot of days in the winter I go outside and stay out there for hours at a time and now that I am older and it is not really acceptable to play in the snow or roll around when you are by yourself and 18 or 19 or 20 years old WHICH IS LAME but I do anyways and sometimes just lie there for forever and am completely entirely content and happy just doing that.

I love roller coasters. And amusement parks. Mostly just Cedar Point, I guess. Because that is really the only park I've been to multiple times besides Geauga Lake/Sea World/whatever it is now. My family used to get season passes every year, and we'd go like 10 times a summer, but for the past 5 or so years we haven't because things cost too much money and we're poor. When I was younger, like 12 or 13, I memorized the stats of a ridiculous amount of roller coasters. What year they were built, top speed, height, track length, type, any achievements or Firsts or whatever. I did a report/presentation/powerpoint on the history of Cedar Point for my final-ish for US Geography last year. I REALLY REALLY LOVE CEDAR POINT, YOU GUYS.

In high school I did the volleyball scorebook for the junior high and sometimes JV or Varsity teams. This seems like a dumb boring thing but the process and all of keeping them is really hard and involved and insanely complicated, and it took me about a month to get it all down and to not feel like I was screwing everything up always. So I went to pretty much every game of my sister's every year which was pretty cool and fun because I didn't have a life so I had lots of free time so it was cool! It was neat to travel around everywhere and a lot of riding in vans and eating concession stand food.

Friday, February 26, 2010


This is from tumblr, but spent more than 30 seconds writing it so I am putting it here too ok!

nerd documentaries (that I have seen [in kind of order from favorite to awful]):

  • Wordplay - CROSSWORD PUZZLES/tournaments. This is really rad and it has Cake and They Might Be Giants songs in it also Jon Stewart and Tyler Hinman the really young crossword genius kid wears a Trogdor shirt at the tournament and Will Shortz is a neat man and all the people the documentary crew follows are cool except for one of them who is a really kind of pathetic woman who reminds me a lot of my old English teacher. Also Merl Reagle. And Bill Clinton makes a cameo, and I find his hands really attractive? In a non-weird way.

  • Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns - THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS! I don't think this is an actually good documentary from a layperson standpoint but for super fans of the band it is kind of heaven. Otherwise, I feel like it just comes off as creepy and pretentious and I don't like to see Sarah Vowell speak, or Syd Straw. There're a lot of full and partial live songs in the documentary itself and also a ridiculous amount of bonus features which is great. And the documentary's commentary track is wonderful but I wish Sarah Vowell would really just shut up!

  • Helvetica - HELVETICA. I love typefaces and Helvetica is a good one in my opinion. Some of the people they interview have very interesting and insightful things to say and some equate Helvetica to George Bush or something. But the designers who aren't wackos are pretty fascinating and made me think a lot about the purpose of typography and how Helvetica became the kind of paragon or zenith- zeitgeist!!!!! of stuff and the complete 180 design and type made around that time (think the frills and curls of 50's ads, the Coca-Cola logo, example, whatever-- to the American Airlines logo which was designed in Helvetica in 1967 and is still the exact same today and is as sleek and modern as ever).

  • Spellbound - SCRIPPS NATIONAL SPELLING BEE. Does this sound like a musical robot? I love following spelling bees, but I never participated in any other than the basic school-type level; I purposefully misspelled words because I hate attention and those kind of things make me so nervous and awful awful awful. But in 8th grade my friend Sarah won the local and regional things and went to Washington DC and I saw her on ESPN and she spelled facade right and a bunch of other words but missed basenji, a kind of dog that doesn't bark, she spelled it basengee, but she placed 30-somethingth, and it was very exciting. Nerdy kids make me very happy, though some of the ones the crew follows, and a lot of spelling bee kids in general, are unsettlingly dedicated and so socially screwed up it's kind of sad and then there's Harry Altman.

  • The awful ones:

  • The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters - COMPETITIVE DONKEY KONG PLAYING... I just thought this was pathetic. It all seemed so sad and desperate. There are a lot of disputed facts surrounding the whole competition and the documentary lies about/omits important details. You've got a good bad guy in Billy Mitchell though, creepy long haired guy who sells his own brand of hot sauce and is a big jerk to everyone. And his challenger, opponent, down on his luck honest man father husband good guy kind of rookie Steve Wiebe. I don't know, his story was so sad and pathetic and pitiful, it was weird to watch and depressing. He doesn't get a higher score than Billy Mitchell during the tournament and WOE WOE WOE. Then he beats it in his garage by himself later. All star in everyone's hearts true champion real hero fair fighter. Blehgh.

  • Word Wars - SCRABBLE. This documentary is gross. Most of the people are gross and weird and creepy. There's a black guy who swears all the time but also talks to kids in a classroom about words or something. There's this weird wiry/wired guy who takes a million vitamin supplements and who wears really old shirts that are so torn up they're basically rags, and he's very negative. There is an old unsettling bald guy who talks about his chi and does yoga or whatever the heck it is and balance and forces and energies. There is a bald, frail, fragile, rodent-esque man who has acid reflux who spits up stomach bile into a cloth all the time and hacks and makes a lot of bad noises. It felt like he could throw up or die at any moment. Those were all the people the documentary followed, and they were all too creepy and flawed to root for. I forgot who won the tournament.
  • Tuesday, February 9, 2010

    can we achieve to destroy by starving it

    on john green and unicorns

    raocow twitter

    "einstein watermelon on a toilet"

    "phyllis, this is a spoon"

    big big big big big big big fake

    blood alone moves the wheels of hystory

    hysterical things to say "horse pooping" photo

    i can do cartwheels for a mile

    rachael ray skydiving deal with valerie

    imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia

    "i don't do anything ever"

    "who's your little whosit?"

    john green paper towns nerds catfish

    a small yet hysterical egg

    animated claw marks

    chapstick counterproductive

    eyeitches inside wats the reason

    flansburgh how pathetic our situation

    i hate john green

    late late show destroyed by bob barker

    mario incandenzas police lock

    sentence of destroyed

    they'll need a crane john linnell crying

    what happens if i put hashtags in the 4chan name box with exclamation points

    "full to the brim of vitamin b"

    a big sentence
    Blog about self-sacrificial tuna sandwich and my personal martyrdom. Can't get it worked out the way I want to; sandwich choice saved this dang planet and no one even thanked me.

    Monday, February 1, 2010


    I was at my college, in an English class that I never did the work for and always was ridiculously worried about going to, since I never did the work and sometimes completely forgot about the class until it was going, frequently just skipping class because I didn't remember. It was in a room like my old Bible classroom in high school. Sam and Ashleigh, two people who graduated the year before me in high school in real life, were in the class too, and Ashleigh was sitting to my left and Sam to my right. I don't remember how he came in or was introduced or anything, but then John Flansburgh is there, like he's scouting for a college kid to do a thing, he asks Ashleigh a kind of trivia question about who he is, if she knows who he is. She gets it right and says something about They Might Be Giants, but obviously isn't very familiar with the band. Flans asks the class in general, something like "Okay yes we are TMBG, but more specifically, we are known for one thing, kind of our hallmark." And I'm really confused for a second, and then say Flood; I was a little confused/wondering why he reduced the band to just that or asked that as a question, like out of all the stuff they'd done, he asks that as if it's all they're known for, or something. He smiles, tells me to stand up, and starts asking a few other questions, doing this thing where he stands right right in front of me, really playfully, like I can't even really move because maybe he's stood on the tips of my shoes with the heels of his, and it's fun and funny and just a really playful thing, like something you'd do if you were flirting with someone, only he's not, but it's the same kind of feeling of the whole thing and my face is pretty much in his back and I laugh and keep trying to step backwards to get more balanced or whatever and WHATEVER, he asks me a few more questions, maybe, and then says that he'd like me to come with them and be a/the contestant on Stump the Band (which is an actual segment of the show they used to do, but was completely different from this thing that they are asking me to do, before it was they took requests from the audience for any kind of song, and they'd try to play it, but in my dream it was some kind of thing where they asked ME questions, maybe about the band, maybe about something else, in my dream I never knew exactly what it was I was going to do, but it didn't bother me at all, in the dream, which is weird because normally I'd be a complete wreck if I didn't know). So I go/Flans leads me?to/through a bunch of parts of the college, this really complex trip of endless hallways and narrow corridors. At some part we were in an art supply store, I think, just browsing around, and Linnell was looking for some stuff for Henry, and I told him about this other store, a Pat Catans, that was really good for finding everything you need all at once, and cheaply priced, and was well organized (which is true, it's really a cool store and I got some of my drawing supplies there). We keep going through all these different places until we stop in some open room thing. Linnell and Dan are there now, just them, Linnell's the one that's been leading me around. He smiles and says "Bet you didn't know all this was at your school." And I laugh and say no, I had no idea these rooms/buildings existed, because it's clear that we've been walking for a while and through all these places. I see Danny Weinkauf through a window, in another room, and say something about how he was in my class and how cool he is and etc (my literal actual mind always gets confused or forgets stuff in dreams, and as a result, past dream actions get muddied or mixed up later on, so now instead of Flans being the one there, it's Danny. I actually remember, a little later in the dream, that I got it wrong in my dream, that it was Flans not Danny, like my mind's aware that it made a mistake and it kind of manifests itself and I get worried in the dream that I said that to Danny if he wasn't really there, but at the same time I think, in my dream, "hahaha my brain forgot what happened earlier in the dream" and it's really meta and confusing and I'm getting confused right now typing this so). I go with Linnell and Dan, Linnell is the leader now, we walk some more and talk about things and it's really casual and non-thing-like. We get into a car; Linnell drives, I sit next to him up front, and Dan sits in the back. I'm really excited but at the same time it's super casual and like it's cool and I'm not freaked out like I would be. At one point the car is now a plane in a similar my-brain-forgetting-what's-going-on-in-the-dream thing. Some time during I twitter and say JOHN LINNELL'S ARM IS TOUCHING MY ARM and it is because the car/plane is small and but I'm not freaked out or excited, even, very much, just super happy, (and I am taunting Blaze, with the tweet) and it's a weird and cool vibe. We are flying to their next show, we fly past the Q in Cleveland, don't think it was actually in Cleveland in my dream, and Flans, who is suddenly in the car/plane/in my dream again for just this sentence, says some funny thing about how hah! the place they played at the Q last week and tonight's show is at a bigger place. Which sounds cocky and dumb but it was just funny and whatever in the dream. I talk with Linnell a lot while he flies, he says a bunch of stuff about Henry that I can't remember, but I think he was into art, painting and drawing. He keeps making references to Ohio State and me "putting on the crimson"/"crimson pride" which I actually don't know if that's a phrase or the color of OSU really, even. At some time we are there, or somewhere that is not in a plane/car, and Flansburgh gives me a little paper with instructions of what to do. The first point says to just dress (for the Stump the Band thing, in my dream I'm still not sure what it is that is, but another point on the list is that Danny or Flans, I have a hard time telling them apart in this dream?will explain what I need to do/what it is) the way they suggest and not make a big deal about it because it just has to be that way. I'm instructed to wear "a red suit, a My Bloody Valentine shirt, and jeans." Confused how I'm supposed to wear a suit and jeans but guess they just meant a suit jacket. In reality I have no idea who My Bloody Valentine is other than that they are a band. In the dream I don't know either and think it's weird. Then I woke up.

    Monday, January 4, 2010

    I've decided a thing!

    I think I'm going to post my Picture Every Day Two Words things here in addition to tumblr/flickr. And maybe I'll write a little thing with each one because pictures lend themselves nicely to that kind of blurby writing.