objects or ideas or places or people

Thank you for your suggestions everyone.

• Goats: I like goats. They make cute faces and noises and sometimes they have cute little beards. And the Mountain Goats, duh. They are little garbage disposals. I want a goat in my back yard; I would feed it glue and milk it and make soap.
• Number Two Pencils: They are ok. I used to always wonder why they were number two and not number one or number fifteen or something, but then I took art classes, and they're 2B pencils, right? That is what that is, isn't it? I'm not really sure, but I don't want to know either, so don't look it up on google or tell me. Just. Be cool. Number two pencils always the enigma. Please.
• Shoes: I LOVE SHOES!!!!!! I always buy just running shoes, though. They are nice and they make you feel all tippy toey and like you could do a jig any time, any where.
• My Favorite John Green Video: Yes I like my favorite John Green video! It is this one. But my mom said no.
• Bagels: I like bagels. I eat them all day long. They are good with peanut butter; they are good with cream cheese; they are good with eggs. Bagels bagels bagels.
• Fortune Cookies: BOGUS!
• Airplanes: I could really use a wish right now wish right now wish right now. Not really. I have flown on one airplane to Kansas and back and I liked it. I would like to fly on more airplanes for longer distances. And during the day, though the night was pretty too.
• Mice: I love mice because Sara doesn't like them at all and they make her do hilarious tweets on twitter dot com.
• Beaches: I like beaches. I've only been to beaches on Lake Erie, so my beach knowledge/appreciation is pretty limited. But they are good places to take pictures and to smell rotting fish and to step on rotting fish with your bare foot :(

Again, I thank you for your suggestions of words for me to give my opinion of. Where is that last preposition supposed to go? I do not know.

Thank you and good day.

ok so

~*~this is just copied from tumblr, hence the lack of capitalization; i didn't know or think it was going to turn into that big of a mopey rant/whatever, so it's good enough to use for beda too, i guess~*~

i've waited way way way too long to choose something to do w/r/t school and i still don't know but it's come to that point where my unwillingness and apathy are trumped by absolute necessity, but it turns out i waited too long in this case because classes start this month and i don't know what i want to do, or rather i just decided.

it's not what i want--i don't want anything. i have no drive or ambition whatsoever.

but so ok i've decided (not really but i'm not going to keep making this distinction, it is what it is. this isn't making any sense probably i'm sorry but i'm completely freaked out and lost and scared and i need to just say things) that i want to go for a ba in english (i guess) which hopefully, ideally, will be two more years of school.

and then start on a masters of library sciences etc etc whatever, hopefully through the university partnership program that the local community college i've been going to offers, through Kent State.

so i talked to a counselor at LCCC to discuss things about what bachelors program i should go into or w/e; i don't know any of the technical terms for any of these things, ok, and she said it would be best to ask the Kent people what would be ideal or the best preparation for pursuing a library masters thing.

so i did that and they replied and said that they didn't know if they would even be offering the library science masters partnership thing in two years, or whenever i was ready to enroll, but that something in the liberal arts field would be best and computer somethings courses also.

which ok that is. ok. i don't know.

none of the partnership things through lc really are liberal artsy, except for psychology through cleveland state, but i don't think that would really be very relevant at all.

and plus i just discovered that most of the university partnership program things require applications like 4 weeks ago, so i can't even do that for this upcoming semester.

but cleveland state has an english program, obviously, a normal type thing, and they have some kind of campus or center in westlake which is not too far away (all of this frustration and these problems stem from my complete lack of independence and self sufficientness and laziness and apathy and fear and fear and fear, so like going to an actual college that is not near here is pretty much completely out of the question, at least in my mind).

but i don't know what courses or things are available there, and what online, and like i said it's too late for this semester anyway.

so my mom says that i could find some classes here to take at LC this semester that would work and transfer and count to the bachelors at cleveland state and that i need to find out if that's possible and but what ones are and how do i tell that and there are so many things and my mom just keeps saying 'call people, ask them, find out' but i don't have any idea of who to call or what to ask or what to say when they need more information about anything from me and i am completely incapable of all of this or rather, actually, too stuck up in my fear of people and phones and change and talking and doing things for myself and making mistakes or seeming dumb or not having the answers to anything. i have no idea where to start or don't want to think about what i need to do to GET an idea of where to start. my mind is so screwed up and i don't know how to do so much or i don't want to think about any of this ever and i don't want to grow up

old people elderly old old old

This entry is brought to you by Very Tired Valerie(tm) and the letter P.

I don't know you guys I've been asleep for the past twoish hours and once again have awoken to blog. Really very incoherent and I don' know you guys.

We went to concert at a park place that had an amphitheater and when we got there it was like 500 old people and two children. I was lured into going by promises of 50s music, which hey 50s music is pretty good and cool. I did not know that this was a geriatric band. I am not being mean in saying that either. All of the band's members were probably over 40. They all were sitting down, the lead guitarist in an actual literal rocking chair. That was very disappointing. Then they said their name. It was totally incomprehensible the entire show and I had no idea what they were saying until my cousin Abby oh so unnecessarily called out for a flyer for their tour dates from an old lady walking around handing them out to people. They were called the GeezeCats. Geeze Cats Dot Com, Son. So there was that, strike two in what turned out to be a night, an avalanche, an unending roll of strike after strike after strike after strike.

I don't know where I'm getting these stupid sayings from or why I keep employing them so idiotically; nothing was even really bad, just pathetically old and feeble and I felt like Hank Green at that banjo concert in Florida with like how could this even take place without at least one elderly person keeling over.

So anyway the place was very full and but we had plenty of room to spread our blanket on part of the hill to the side of the stage because it was just angled enough for the old peeps to not risk attempting to balance/steady themselves there in folding lawn chairs. A lady right below us actually did half fall over in her chair onto another old lady next to her, it was p funny.

And whatever whatever, the band played so generically and blandly and my sister and cousin Abby and I spent the time taking weird semi-unintentionally model-like pictures and playing with silly putty that got all stuck all over and on my silly band, which did I mention my other cousin gave me one, an orange one that is a cat, when we were at breakfast at Bob Evans the other day. Bob Evans.

Blob Evans.

We left before the concert was over.

things

All right so I am not in a very motivated or thinking mood right now so I don't know. I finished Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions today, and like with any other book that is Important or Different or I guess Emphatic, I find that I am much too easily swayed and moved and confused and messed up by other people's opinions or words or stories or ideals or anythings.

I am very sensitive to most things in that kind of a sense-- I take in everything and consider it and digest it, and way too often all of those other people's everythings have much too big of an impact on me and either beat me down or rile me up. I should be more resilient towards these things but I'm not. It doesn't have to do with just reading or books either, but I really am like a stupid sponge and can't keep opinions of my own safe and I am vulnerable to everything and everything pushes and pulls and I end up not knowing what I even think any more.

I can't read book reviews or my opinion of whatever book it is becomes tainted by them and I don't know if *I* even liked the book. I write things off or say they're crap or CAN'T give things a shot because I know the context of them and I've figured out how I'm SUPPOSED to feel about them, built from the context and so on of others and I hate or dislike so many things that I would or could probably enjoy if I just went at them with no knowledge of their social or etc standings and lights and it's intensely frustrating, but I can't do anything about it. I try, I try, but I am vulnerable and take in cynicism and hate and unfair judgements and unfounded praise and hype and then I am all of those combined and don't know what to think.

This isn't meant to be whiny or depressing or complaints; it's just the way things are with me and I'm frustrated a lot about how much good stuff I'm missing out on because of the aforementioned.

african safari wildlife park cute fun thing

I am not looking forward to attempting to embed pictures on this dang blogger/blogspot blog! I would much rather do this on tumblr, but all my BEDA blogs are going on here so oh well. Deal w/it, self.

Today I got up at like 7:30 A REASONABLE HOUR, actually EARLY, and I'd gotten a full night's sleep beforehand too! What is happening! But I got up because we were going to breakfast at Bob Evan's, and we did; we picked up our cousins Abby and Jess and went to Bob Evan's and there was a lady in the parking lot who thought she was a car I guess and I said A GREAT BUZZKILL. Arka/Maddie would be proud.


Holy crap blogger you are so bad at images.

So we ate at Bob Evan's and it was really good and I got one of the things that has a little of everything bc I adore breakfast foods.

Then we went to African Safari Wildlife Park which is a park for wildlife that you can drive through in your car or van and you get a little bucket of feed pellets that if an animal grabs the bucket you are supposed to LET GO. And I had the bucket and right when we pulled in and started through the thing and got to the part where you could roll down your windows and feed the animals, an alpaca grabbed my bucket and I tried to not let him have it but he pulled really hard and took it and then we had no more food for the rest of the drive through except for all the pellets that were flung on my lap and in the front seat and one got stuck in the air conditioner vents oops.

The animals could come quite close to us, you can tell. They stuck their heads inside the van a lot of times.

Also I just took a nap and slept too long and it's 12:09 am right now :(

Those are pics from the first time we went through. Then we walked around the other parts and things they had while waiting for it to be time for the pig races.

We were all too fat to ride the camel.

There were 4 pigs that were racing and the stands around the track were color coordinated and we sat in the orange section and so cheered for Dale Swinhart Jr.

We thought the race would take a long time and that the pigs would be slow but they freaking RAN they were little pig bullets. It was astonishing.

Our pig won. EVERY TIME.

Then we went through the park again. My mom p much forced my cousin Jess to drive and she was slightly terrified at first but did a better job than my mom did and it was much better the second time through.

Then after we went through again, we left and stopped at McDonalds THE WORST MCDONALDS I'VE EVER BEEN TO. They took so long and kept saying that everything cost extra but in a mean way. It took at least 25 minutes for me to get my food. And then it was all cold! But it was ok. We had coupons for free smoothies and mine was soooo good. Hah this entry is now very much sucking in terms of, like, quality and good sentence structure and coherentness and me not sounding like my 15 year old blogging self I don't know what I'm saying any more even. But ok yes it was a fun day and I am tired and am going to go to bed now, all right.

panties

Ok I was in bed, completely content, in that perfect position with the blankets so comfortable and everything was heavenly and I was just about to start to drift off to sleep when I remembered dumb BEDA I didn't do yet. Just kidding it's not dumb but ugh.

Since I obviously cannot write about the topic that my BEDA friend peeps are talking about, which is patronuses (patroni?) and boggarts, whatever those are, and some other Harry Potter thing, I was going to write about something I've noticed about David Foster Wallace's writing.

It was going to be brilliant and well thought out and clever and right on and good, but it would have/will take a while to work out to get it exactly right the way I want to say it, and I've just been asleep for the past four or five hours and very much want to return to slumber presently, so that is not going to happen today.

Instead, I will deconstruct an old childhood playground taunt song that reading Breakfast of Champions made me think about and tell you how wrong and dumb and ridiculous it is.

So ok.

I see London
I see France
I see whoever's underpants
Could be blue
Could be pink
I don't know but they sure do stink

This is just completely rife with logical fallacies I mean come on.

You cannot possibly see London or France at the same time. You can't even see one of them, unless you live there, which the children on playgrounds of my youth did not. I suppose you could be LOOKING at a PICTURE of London or France, but that would be ridiculous and dumb.

Furthermore, if you do, in fact, see their underwear, the next two lines are redundant and useless, with the third being just wrong. Which because if you see their underpants, of course you know what color they are.

Unless you are color blind which is unfortunate and perhaps the reason you have taken to bullying other children about their undergarments as you are frustrated and mad that they know the difference between red and green and constantly flaunt this fact and relentlessly tease you with little songs they made up, skipping around you in circles whilst singing about turquoise and chartreuse, I don't know, that's how children work.

all right cool thing virus broken rip

So like an hour ago I got a billion pop up alerts and things saying my computer was infected and that all sites were attack sites and the thing that was saying all of this was not a virus protection program I had installed which was not good and I couldn't open any windows or programs because it said everything was a threat, the virus program that is itself not a virus program but a virus did, so then I tried to restart my computer in safe mode to begin the process of extricating the virus but then it wouldn't and won't load past a certain thing and the screen is just black and it won't start up normally now either sooooooooooooo I am talking to a Windows person and things are progressing slowly but I have a feeling that they are not progressing at all in actuality?? End my life.

I don't know what to write about besides that as it is p much entirely consuming my brain's mental processes at the moment. I was planning on posting pictures of pages and cool things from one of the annotated Harry Potter books I've gotten so far, but I am on our old old laptop which's screen is dead and is hooked up to a nice monitor but the computer is just a bad old slow laptop that sucks and I don't want to even try to import pictures onto this thing.

The very polite and hopefully helpful Nazrul H has just told me that there is only one more thing we can try before the last option which is the reinstallation of Windows :( which does that delete stuff? I mean I assume it would. But not all the stuff. I don't know anything about computers.

Sorry this is the worst blog of all time and of interest to no one ever.

I really do abuse my laptop, and it is two years old now and is on pretty much 24/7 which is awful and I use it all day and I've never had any problems with viruses before so this was pretty inevitable but come on! BOOOOOOO.

Um umm tomorrow I have that aforementioned meeting with a college/career counselor tomorrow which hopefully will set some things up or make them clearer, at least. And then on Friday I am going with my family and my cousins to African Safari Wildlife Park, one of those things where you drive your car through a thing and the giraffes stick their heads in your window and lick your face or bite you or whatever. We used to go there a lot. They have camel rides and I guess pig races which I don't remember ever seeing before though my mom swears we did. So that will be fun hopefully. I want to get a lot of good pictures; that would be rad. AND WOULD MAKE A GOOD BLOG!

I think that that is all for today. This has been a good distraction whilst waiting for Nazrul to respond to the idiotic things I am typing at him/her.