blood alone moves the wheels of history

Today I was GOING to write about the niceness of Stephen Colbert's butt, but ohoho this, so no.

Stephen Colbert is a man, a great man. He has a dog named Gipper. He has had a space station treadmill, a bald eagle, a turtle, a falcon, an elephant seal, a greyhound dog, a junior ice hockey team junior mascot, a beetle species, a spider species, the five remaining numbers of the Sierpinski Problem, and an airplane named after him.

He has sung duets with John Legend, Elvis Costello, Barry Manilow, Tony Bennett, John Hall (of Hall & Oates fame), Willie Nelson, Jon Stewart, Chaka Fattah, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Steve Carell, Paul Dinello, and JOHN DARNIELLE.

He has fathered and popularized dozens of words, including truthiness, wikiality, factiness, wordanista, superstantial, megamerican, grippy, juiciful, fract, freem, Lincolnish, eneagled, gutly, and dumb-ocracy.

March 20th has been declared Stephen Colbert day in Oshawa, Canada.

His DNA was shot into space.

He has his own ice cream flavor.

His portrait hangs in the National Museum of American History.

He's a dashing man; his name is Stephen.

And therein lies the problem.

Friends, comrades, let us join together as one. Let us rise up, let us speak out. We must make our voices heard. Let us stand in unisonian solidarity and petition: STEPHEN COLBERT CHANGE YOUR FIRST NAME TO JOHN.

FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE (AND THE NOBLE AND PURE CAUSE OF JOHNDOM) PREVAIL.

That is all.

let's stick together cause we're number eight

everything right is wrong again push me in the face there go i but for my face all i know why it takes that long ago we'd build a time machine and i'll sink it first avenue stage name please call me crybaby check this out i've got something to say if there was a me for you the guy who hit me in the eye out it doesn't cost anything to poke your hand inside the puppet head eating the head on the opposite shores that surround it we're getting mental notes of just exactly where i lost the plot thins she's waiting for my ride but i want to wait inside an empty glass eye hoping you won't be back to brooklyn fell between the grating and we're just go nuts at the top of the tree a finger of my glove and every time push the water let me sail cries the engine siren fills the air and it sticks like a broken record of my unspeakable crimes in previous lives that are claimed and none who have witnessed all you modern day troubadours out from my pockets and cats dance undercover for the man if they're just as embarrassing as we think and i should be allowed to blurt the merest idea to break the chain i came to get my mini-bike returned a bag of groceries accidentally taken off the shelf for all my new friends have seen him hiding underneath every shell there's a story as a shill in a traveling through outer space

must contain

go outside on a cold fall night. breathe in the smell of burning wood and leaves. take a walk. let the air bite through your jacket, into your skin. look at the fallen leaves illuminated in street lights. walk, keep walking. try not to trip over uneven cracks in the sidewalk. your mind feels clear, save for the word soliloquy. whisper it to yourself, maybe. look up through the canopy of branches and dying leaves above you, at the moon. it is full. stupid terrible werewolf jokes. you hate werewolves. there's a dog across the street, and it is looking at you.

so.

Need to stop thinking so much. Always get depressed when I think. Wish I was stupid. I think it'd be easier.

my dads

You: sorry
You: that was an accident
Stranger: i'm not so sure.
You: i really meant to paste
You: you disabilities!!!!!!!
You: that
You: but still
You: my fault
Stranger: them dogs is hell don't they
You: YES
You: ima dog irl
You: so it's pretty hard
Stranger: IMA DOG IRL WTF HEH
You: teh
You: teh
You: TEH
You: TEH!!!!!
Stranger: 1.
You: 42
Stranger: Fuckin jerry.
You: jerry
You: good guy
Stranger: meh.
You: teh.
Stranger: have you ever wondered tho
Stranger: wtf ?
You: all the time
Stranger: hm
Stranger: is the answer 42?
You: to life, the universe, and everything
Stranger: disappointing
You: the ultimate question is the thing that is more so important
Stranger: mm.
Stranger: but what does the question -mean-
You: i think it's necessary to figure out what the question IS before what it means
You: so
You: sup
Stranger: Fuckin a.
Stranger: I got a phone call.
Stranger: Sellin the laptop.
You: this one right here?
You: or there...
Stranger: Oh no, I'm on my MAC PRO here.
Stranger: The laptop is over there.
You: oh nice you are a mac guy?
Stranger: I am -the- mac guy, actually.
You: how do you feel about the color yellow?
You: rad
Stranger: Yellow's for faggots; therefore it delights me
You: i see
Stranger: Hate PCs and zunes. Why should we convert our music to .dell files? mp3 is more convenient.
You: mp3 is super lossy though
Stranger: I prefer to encode at 32kbps, then I can fit so much more on my iPod.
You: hah but it sounds like total crap that way
Stranger: It sounds fine when I play it over the school PA on morning announcements.
Stranger: Nothing wakes up the kids like a track from The Locust.
You: And through drive through speakers, I'd imagine.
You: Airplane telephones.
Stranger: absolutely.
Stranger: Or cell phones. Soemtimes I call my dad and just rub the iPod on the phone to make the sound go through.
You: That's sweet :3
Stranger: Such a sad dad.
You: I have two dads!
You: They're really great.
You: One is a girl
You: actually
Stranger: A girl-dad.
You: which sounds weird but makes sense really.
Stranger: A Fe-father.
You: Yeah!
Stranger: A PaPaPuss.
You: My nickname's DoubleDad
Stranger: DoubleDad. What's their nicknames?
You: Andrwe is one
Stranger: Weird.
You: and blazu
You: is the other
Stranger: Weird.
Stranger: Are they glad dads?
You: They're very glad dads.
Stranger: Nice.
Stranger: I'm going to Japan next week.
Stranger: Any recommendations for what to do there?
You: Ummm
You: video games
Stranger: Japs do like their games. Nerd japs tho.
Stranger: Sigh. I guess it's dinner time.
You: Ok. It was good talking to you about my dads.
Stranger: Wish them well for me.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

omegle.

shut up shut up shut up

on the legalization of marijuana

I really don't care if it is or isn't, the same people are going to do the same things regardless, basically, and complications and problem'll exist whether it's kept illegal or not...as it is, a lot of time and resources are spent on controlling/policing/cracking down on users. If it's made legal, the same difficulties and restrictions that accompany cigarettes and alcohol will still be there. My personal preference, though, I suppose, would be that it not be legalized, I am not a fan of anything that screws with people's senses of reality/impairs/distorts judgement.

a big sentence

Don't want this to go a month without an entry so.

Wrote this for woofer
which is a beefier, 10x-ier version of twitter.

So the other day I did this thing and it was really cool. A lot of characters. And then so I'm David Foster Wallace and this sentence is going to be a million letters and Hal Incandenza is pretty fascinating and Mario's adorable with his S-shape arms and police lock and ever-present smile, generally being a cool kid, overall, is what Mario is; Hal's interesting and etc, he seems like me, only I'm infinitely less talented, I get Gately too though I've never done drugs or alcohol or whatever, and Eredy with his preparations for executions of quitting and stopping but never completely totally cutting off means of re-starting up that thing, telling yourself over and over that you're done and it's ruining you and the things you care about but you lie to yourself and believe it to a good enough extent, it's like doublethink maybe, for me it's not anything as exciting as cocaine, just procrastination and like putting off things to the point where I majorly screw stuff up or don't do whatever as well as I could, but what I do do is always enough or satisfactory because everything I do is stupidly satisfactorily okay and that's it, but then yes that bug in Eredy's steel grid shelving is great and amazing and is kind of symbolic, in my mind, at least, of every important and vital and big thing and the world in general sort of, that bug hiding in that hole and doing its unseen secret things.