Tuesday, July 1, 2008

When they come and get me, I'll be ok, fine. Puttin' on some weight, great.

For the last week, I've been taking drivers ed. Where does the apostrophe go in drivers? I don't know. But it has been TEH HORRORZ. Not fun at all. For the first four days I went, Tuesday to Friday, there were at least 20 kids in a tiny room that was very hot and somewhat cramped. People are so freaking disrespectful. Literally every two minutes, this one kid kept interrupting/being "clever"/talking. He was so dumb. The teacher, the first day, I swear, told him at least twenty times that if he said one more thing, she would kick him out. But of course she didn't. And she was literally screaming at the kids to shut up. And it sucked and was seriously the worst thing I've ever had to sit through. And it was four hours long. Four times. I missed the first lesson, so I took that one today and haven't taken the last lesson yet because I have to take the test then. Satureday Was my graduation praty. It was fine. We had tent-y things in our backyard and in Tuckers'. Three of my cousins and uncle and also another aunt came up from Columbus. So that was cool. But then it rained really hard for a half hour. But it was ok. We have a large amount of food left over. Baked beans, chicken, applesauce, macaroni salad, fruit salad, and sloppy joe meat. After the party, Jonathan stayed over our house, and I opened presents and then all the cards I'd gotten. Jonathan and Kara put all the cards in a pile and would each pick one they thought would have a lot of money in it, and then I'd open them, and then whoever had the most won. And we did that for all the cards. And Jonathan won. Then we went over to his house and brought his Playstation 2 and Rock Band over, and we played that for a long while. And we ate pretzel sticks which we also have an abundance of. And then he drank all our juice boxes. And then he left. Sunday Went to church, went home and ate, went to Cecilia's graudation party which was at a park, ate, attempted to skip rocks in the lake, failed somewhat, threw crackers into the lake, took pictures of a herd of geese, left, went to Abby and Jess's house, played with their dogs, went over next door to the barn to help Jess do stuff with her horse, took picture of a chicken, took picture of a cat, took picture of a horse, watched Jess ride her horse around, went back to their house, played with their dogs again, sat on the floor of the back of the van because Abby came home with us and we'd taken out the back seat to put stuff in there, listened to Ozma which is an AWESOME band, got home, went on internet, did week's worth of college work in an hour and a half, perused the internets, made my dad's lunch, took a shower, went to sleep. Run-on: Y/N? Monday Driving school started at nine. Very much too early. And went until one. Too long, Clanky, too long. And the instructor who was a man whose name was Kelly, didn't give us a break. And I was planning on having one. To eat breakfast. The guy was strange. He called everyone dude, and referred to people in examples as either dudes or cats. And he called anybody that was under, like, our age babies. It was hilarious. There were only seven other people in the class, I think, and it was quiet and stuff. But that guy was so weird. I wrote down stuff that he said because it was that awesomely strange. There was a girl, Leah - he kept asking us what our names were and made random people list off everybody in the class, so I think I still remember everyone's name - who came in late, and he kept smelling the paperwork she'd given him and telling her he liked how it smelled and that it made him happy and was it perfume? She said she didn't know, maybe it was lotion. And he goes, "You know how this makes me feel? It makes me feel happy. Lotion is good. Everybody wear lotion." He asked us if we thought accidents were the #1 cause of death of teens. Are we sure it was that? And then he said that maybe "being decapitated by amusement park rides" killed more people. But he said no. Driving kills more. More than cancer, more than heart failure, more than polio, more than pancreatitis, more than the Rhino virus, also known as the common cold. "Don't kill no dudes while you're drivin', 'cause that would be sad." Goodness. And he talked for like fifteen minutes about why smiling is good, and who one girl reminded him of that he couldn't remember, and how he got made fun of when he was a kid because of his name, "My friends all said Kelly is a girls name, and I asked my mom and she says, 'No, Kelly is a girl's name and a dude's name. Then I told them 'My mom said it's a dude's name and a girl's name' and they says 'No. It's a girl's name.'" And when he asked us questions off the test, and we raised our hands if we knew the answer, he told us that's not how we were supposed to raise them, hold them up higher, and he kept telling us that until everybody did it, and went on explaining the answer, and when one kid put his hand down, he told him to put it back up again. lolz He made one kid go out to his car in the parking lot to get him a blowpop from his glove compartment. The guy's name was Eric. And Kelly kept calling him "my dude" and said that he was going to be a Marine because he took charge and led. He was talking about the general law thing that you are supposed to drive at a speed to go along with traffic to be safe. He said there were times when you shouldn't go the speed limit because it wouldn't be safe. Like if you're going by a daycare center, and the babies is going on a fieldtrip, and there's a line of babies walking along the side of the road, you slow down to a reasonable speed. Or! If you're driving down the road - he made us sit forward in our chairs and our hands out in front of us as if we were holding a steering wheel - and over there is a McDonalds and over there is a Holiday Inn hotel thing. You see the McDonalds over there? And in front of you, a school bus crashed. And it's on fire. And smoke is billowin' out all over the place. And babies is climbin' out the windows. lolwut? That's my new favorite phrase. And babies is climbin' out the windows." That guy was hilarious and very probably brain damaged from drugs or something. I don't know. It was awesome. AND THEN I waited outside for fifteen minutes in the rain because my mom very obviously does not like me and was late. Kara and I went next door and played Rock Band again. I can play guitar on medium well and can play and not fail on hard. Video! John Green! Vlogbrothers! Adorable puppy! Inside jokes! An obscure language! Awesome!

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