Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Valerie answers a survey.

Stolen from facebook John Green. Type your name into Google with the verb that comes after in the question. Answer with your favorites from the first page of google results. Have fun!

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
A: "Valerie needs to weed out those who seek only to waste her time as soon as possible." (Yes.) "Valerie needs to back off of Danny so Sam can date him and I hate her." :(

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.

A: "Valerie looks like Carrie-Anne Moss in that picture." "Valerie looks like a 'giant blowdrier.'" (actually 'which, according to Valerie, looks' but I like it anyway) "Valerie looks like that because that is what my nation thinks a beautiful woman looks like." (awww)

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.

A: "Valerie says goodbye to sweet image."

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.

A: "Valerie wants to catch Siberian Husky!" (!) "Valerie wants to cuddle-jump Brett." (Brett who? BrettTheIntern? What?)

Q:Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: "Valerie does another classic Leno."

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.

A: "Valerie hates myspace." (True.) "Valerie hates cheese." (FALSE) "Valerie hates the weird ventilator's ball." (Probably?)

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.

A: "Valerie asks Oprah about kissing another woman." (No I don't/haven't/won't/BLAH.) "Valerie asks me to do 'homework' in between each session, and she always asks to see it during the next one." (Yes. I am thorough.)

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: "Valerie likes to gossip about her life, including her psychotherapy sessions, her dream of being a lounge singer and her motherboard's tendency to nag her about her social life." (Motherboard. Social life. What are these things?) "Valerie likes to wear wigs and costumes." (No I do not.) "Valerie likes acid bath." (NO)

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: "Valerie eats, breaths, and sleeps love." (NO, I BREATHE. STUPID.) "Valerie eats her braids." "Valerie eats the New Year's ball!!" (Bahahahah!)

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A: "Valerie wears a toga on her birthday and has people sign it." >.> "Valerie wears a weighted walk vest and goes on 1 mile walks."

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: "Valerie was arrested for interfering with her son's arrest and kicking an officer."

Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.

A. "Valerie loves you." (That is every single result, so it must be true.)

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