Saturday, February 9, 2008

This is irrelevant unless you like The Office, I guess.

This's my entry for Dunder Mifflin Infinity's DwightDate matchmaker task. Was very fun making. About You: I enjoy many things. In addition, I dislike many things, also many people. Interests: Accordions, alphebetizing, bad weather, Bear Grylls, being judged, being right, criticizing, critiquing, the cultures of ancient civilizations, documentaries, drawing/sketching, individual or dual rhythmic sports, judging people, natural disasters, nature, obscure vegetables, the outdoors, reading, science fiction. What book would you take with you on a desert island? I would take "A Gnome There Was and Other Tales of Science Fiction and Fantasy", by Lewis Padgett, which was, in actuality, the pseudonym for Henry Kuttner and C. L. Moore, spouses who also went by the names Lawrence O'Donnell and C. H. Liddell. Pseudonyms are always a good idea. For everything. I don't even know my own birth name. It's safer that way: identity theft. Which animal best represents you? A praying mantis. I am quick, an exceptional hunter, have excellent vision, and am a diligent and efficient worker. Name one place that you'd like to visit and why: Mesopotamia. It's called "the cradle of civilization". Mesopotamians were pretty much geniuses. They invented the wheel, and, much more importantly, methods of flood control and irrigation. I'd like to personally thank the natives for their contributions to modern day farming. Your idea of a perfect day: Get up at 4 AM. Sit out on my porch until the sun starts to rise. Watch it. Have breakfast. Read. Feed the chickens and chase and provoke them. Then do some other stuff. Doesn't matter to me as long as I can have my glass of beet juice at the end of the day. Choose three words that describe your ideal mate: Intelligent, devoted, intense. What would you do in the event of an American black bear attack? The first defense againt attack is not getting attacked in the first place by avoiding bears. If you must travel through a bear infested area, wear a bear bell or sing a lively tune. You can also purchase bear spray. If a bear does see you, do not act rashly: sudden movements provoke them. If the bear attacks, drop into the fetal position. At this point, you're pretty much dead anyway. Write an excerpt from a story involving two robots, an ongoing war with cattle, and a small grocery store chain on the moons of Jupiter. "Noooooo!" the humanoid robot screamed as the stampede of cattle came hurtling towards him and his wife Rosie. They quickly dove inside Produce Pete's Cosmic Organic Beets, narrowly missing the herd of steer that now flew past, rattling the windows and causing a lone bottle of beetroot laxative to fall off the shelf. The glass bottle slowly floated towards the cold, cracked concrete...

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