PEEP STORY

A long long time ago, some nerdfighters from the nerdfighter aim chat, or maybe the dftba chat, can't remember, wrote a story using etherpad.com, which lets you edit text and see others' edits in real time.

There were maybe five or six of us who collaborated on this. Good times.

There once was a Nerdfighter named Pablo. He was a solitary boy. On a particularly damp and lonely Easter Eve, he went to the JohnJacobJingleHymerShmit Grocery Store (JJJSGS, or Triple-J SGS) to buy some yellow peeps, which Pablo enjoyed cooking in the microwave.

BUT! These were no normal peeps. These peeps were really ALIENS!!!

Alien Ostrich Peeps!(AOP)

He bought two packages of the INFERNAL sugar blobs and took them home.

When Pablo microwaved the peeps, they bloated to an unfathomable size, their enormous, accusing, slightly melted eyes staring at him as if to say "WHY!? Why have you betrayed us?"

Pablo loved roasted peeps though, and desperately wanted a snack. Pablo stared at the peeps in the microwave as they continued to swell. They let out a strange growling noise. He began to struggle with his conflicting emotions. Should he give in to his desires for peeps, or give them a chance at life?

Just as they reached maximal size, he hit POWER OFF. He wondered if it was too late to save them.

As he opened the microwave door, a nasty, burnt odor wafted out, permeating the entire house, the smell saturating his jeans and "DFTBA" hoodie.

He turned away, searching the space around him for uncontaminated air to breathe. After waiting a few seconds, he turned back to find an empty microwave.

He examined the inside of the microwave more closely and found nothing but a few spots of sticky marshmallow and a green Post-It. The peeps were gone.

"AARGHH! This is tragedies!" Pablo exclaimed in the manner of a man-zombie who had a hunger, and the only thing that could cure that hunger was more Peeps (and not the alien kind). "I'M HUUUNGRY!"

He picked up the Post-It and read the mysterious note they had left. It said..."we can haz cheezburger? -peeps"

Pablo stood there in disbelief. He thought disbelievingly, "I don't believe this." He made a face. And on that face was a look of disbelief. He had a face, once. The fumes from cooking the peeps had melted it away. Pablo the Faceless Man was still hungry, regardless of whether he had lips or not.

He decided to search for the peeps. He looked high, he looked low, he looked to, he looked fro, but couldn't find even a molecule of marshmallow. "IT JUST ISN'T FAIR!" Pablo burst into tears and slumped down in the corner of the kitchen, utterly distraught.

He glanced up in the mirror. The sight of his face made him cry even harder. But then he noticed a tiny bit of yellow in his hood.

"Golly gee willikers!" he mumbled with his lipless mouth, shrinking in fright. He then grabbed his nearest weapon- a DEADLY spatula- and flipped the little bugger off his precious hood with a manly flick of the wrist.

"GTFO!!!" he yelped with his vocal chords. Thinking quickly, he thrust his hand upon a conveniently placed bottle of Strawberry Hill and commenced to pour it upon the heathen Peep. It let out a moan of peepy pain, then shrunk to its original not-so-intimidating size.

"Eureka!" Pablo shouted with joy. "I have found the cure!"

His elation was broken by the memory of the 4 other peeps that he had not found. They were definitely not in the house, so where could they be? "If I were a giant yellow alien peep on the night before Easter, where would I go?" he wondered. He thought back to the note. He remembered how wonderfully green it was and sighed with contentment.

Pablo locked himself in his room, shamed at his horrid facelessness. The Peeps had not returned, leaving Pablo alone, stricken by guilt. He had not known the Peeps were alive, and wished he had never gone to the Triple-J SGS on that fateful day.

Pablo had no mouth to eat with. He found himself desperately craving Cheez-its and and egg McMuffins. Three days passed. Then a knock came at Pablo's door.

"Yes...?" Pablo mumbled. "Who is it?"

"I am PeepMaster, Lord of the Ostrich Peeps, from planet AOP. You have comitted an atrocity by murdering my subjects. You must pay."

"But...but...I have no face...isn't that punishment enough???"

"NO!!" the Peepmaster boomed. "You must do us a favor. And this favor might be your downfall.." (duuu DUUUUUUUNNNNNNN)

"Wha?" Pablo stammered "Buh, huh?"

"We have been watching your 'vlogbrothers' via verizon broadband wireless for many months now. You must shave off John Green's left eyebrow!!!" the peep laughed manically.

"NOOOOO NEVERRRR!!" Pablo screamed...at least as much as he could with no mouth.

"That is not all." the Peep smirked,"You must buy ten catfish, let them rot for a bit, and then stuff them in Hank's guitar!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Pablo cried. "Why would you do this, you decepticon!"

"NEED I REMIND YOU...Hank is responsible for the murder of many of my brethren. And John covered his face in Peanut Butter, which is STRONGLY against Peep law!!"

Pablo cried. He did not want to shave off John's eyebrow, or stuff rotted catfish in Hank's guitar.

"I refuse." Pablo said bluntly.

"If you do as we say...you will get your face back. If not, you will be chained to a gorilla named Poindexter Snuffalufagus for all eternity. In a room where you can smell Cheez-its and egg Mcmuffins, but never can eat them! The will be just out of reach...right where 3 billion peeps will be watching you FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Mandark laugh*<---(Dexter's Laboratory refrence)"

Pablo stood up. "Okay, I'll do it."

Suddenly, in a brilliant flash of light, Pablo found himself standing on a spaceship..or that is what it looked like at least.

"This is Peep Space 9." A small peep shaped like a rabbit said, "Welcome aboard."

"And I am Jean Peep Picmarshmallow, Captain of this vessel," a bald peep said.

Pablo was confused, partly because he had no idea how a peep could be bald, as peeps have no hair--but mostly because Picard, who he assumed this Peep was named after, was not captain of Deep Space 9, which was actually a space station, not a space ship, anyway. He decided to ignore these facts because the situation was confusing enough. Just going with the flow was probably the best idea for now, seeing as he had just been kidnapped by Peeps. Which, according to all previous knowledge, was a very un-peeplike thing to do.

A hole opened up in the floor and a platform raised up with Hank Green.

"What are you doing here Hank?!?"

Hank didn't answer. He just started playing the party blower solo in real time. Do, do do do, do do do, do do do , do do do, do do do, do do do do do.

do, do do, do do do do do, do do do do do do do, do do do.

Pablo rolled over, and hit his iPhone alarm. "Ughh....." He looked over at 2 and half empty bottles of strawberry hill wine, and 5 empty packages of peeps. He then jumped out of bed and proceeded to call Ralph Culver, his best friend and handy-dandy dream expert, on the big white phone.

AND THEN THE WORLD EXPLODED THE END.