things

All right so I am not in a very motivated or thinking mood right now so I don't know. I finished Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions today, and like with any other book that is Important or Different or I guess Emphatic, I find that I am much too easily swayed and moved and confused and messed up by other people's opinions or words or stories or ideals or anythings.

I am very sensitive to most things in that kind of a sense-- I take in everything and consider it and digest it, and way too often all of those other people's everythings have much too big of an impact on me and either beat me down or rile me up. I should be more resilient towards these things but I'm not. It doesn't have to do with just reading or books either, but I really am like a stupid sponge and can't keep opinions of my own safe and I am vulnerable to everything and everything pushes and pulls and I end up not knowing what I even think any more.

I can't read book reviews or my opinion of whatever book it is becomes tainted by them and I don't know if *I* even liked the book. I write things off or say they're crap or CAN'T give things a shot because I know the context of them and I've figured out how I'm SUPPOSED to feel about them, built from the context and so on of others and I hate or dislike so many things that I would or could probably enjoy if I just went at them with no knowledge of their social or etc standings and lights and it's intensely frustrating, but I can't do anything about it. I try, I try, but I am vulnerable and take in cynicism and hate and unfair judgements and unfounded praise and hype and then I am all of those combined and don't know what to think.

This isn't meant to be whiny or depressing or complaints; it's just the way things are with me and I'm frustrated a lot about how much good stuff I'm missing out on because of the aforementioned.

african safari wildlife park cute fun thing

I am not looking forward to attempting to embed pictures on this dang blogger/blogspot blog! I would much rather do this on tumblr, but all my BEDA blogs are going on here so oh well. Deal w/it, self.

Today I got up at like 7:30 A REASONABLE HOUR, actually EARLY, and I'd gotten a full night's sleep beforehand too! What is happening! But I got up because we were going to breakfast at Bob Evan's, and we did; we picked up our cousins Abby and Jess and went to Bob Evan's and there was a lady in the parking lot who thought she was a car I guess and I said A GREAT BUZZKILL. Arka/Maddie would be proud.


Holy crap blogger you are so bad at images.

So we ate at Bob Evan's and it was really good and I got one of the things that has a little of everything bc I adore breakfast foods.

Then we went to African Safari Wildlife Park which is a park for wildlife that you can drive through in your car or van and you get a little bucket of feed pellets that if an animal grabs the bucket you are supposed to LET GO. And I had the bucket and right when we pulled in and started through the thing and got to the part where you could roll down your windows and feed the animals, an alpaca grabbed my bucket and I tried to not let him have it but he pulled really hard and took it and then we had no more food for the rest of the drive through except for all the pellets that were flung on my lap and in the front seat and one got stuck in the air conditioner vents oops.

The animals could come quite close to us, you can tell. They stuck their heads inside the van a lot of times.

Also I just took a nap and slept too long and it's 12:09 am right now :(

Those are pics from the first time we went through. Then we walked around the other parts and things they had while waiting for it to be time for the pig races.

We were all too fat to ride the camel.

There were 4 pigs that were racing and the stands around the track were color coordinated and we sat in the orange section and so cheered for Dale Swinhart Jr.

We thought the race would take a long time and that the pigs would be slow but they freaking RAN they were little pig bullets. It was astonishing.

Our pig won. EVERY TIME.

Then we went through the park again. My mom p much forced my cousin Jess to drive and she was slightly terrified at first but did a better job than my mom did and it was much better the second time through.

Then after we went through again, we left and stopped at McDonalds THE WORST MCDONALDS I'VE EVER BEEN TO. They took so long and kept saying that everything cost extra but in a mean way. It took at least 25 minutes for me to get my food. And then it was all cold! But it was ok. We had coupons for free smoothies and mine was soooo good. Hah this entry is now very much sucking in terms of, like, quality and good sentence structure and coherentness and me not sounding like my 15 year old blogging self I don't know what I'm saying any more even. But ok yes it was a fun day and I am tired and am going to go to bed now, all right.

panties

Ok I was in bed, completely content, in that perfect position with the blankets so comfortable and everything was heavenly and I was just about to start to drift off to sleep when I remembered dumb BEDA I didn't do yet. Just kidding it's not dumb but ugh.

Since I obviously cannot write about the topic that my BEDA friend peeps are talking about, which is patronuses (patroni?) and boggarts, whatever those are, and some other Harry Potter thing, I was going to write about something I've noticed about David Foster Wallace's writing.

It was going to be brilliant and well thought out and clever and right on and good, but it would have/will take a while to work out to get it exactly right the way I want to say it, and I've just been asleep for the past four or five hours and very much want to return to slumber presently, so that is not going to happen today.

Instead, I will deconstruct an old childhood playground taunt song that reading Breakfast of Champions made me think about and tell you how wrong and dumb and ridiculous it is.

So ok.

I see London
I see France
I see whoever's underpants
Could be blue
Could be pink
I don't know but they sure do stink

This is just completely rife with logical fallacies I mean come on.

You cannot possibly see London or France at the same time. You can't even see one of them, unless you live there, which the children on playgrounds of my youth did not. I suppose you could be LOOKING at a PICTURE of London or France, but that would be ridiculous and dumb.

Furthermore, if you do, in fact, see their underwear, the next two lines are redundant and useless, with the third being just wrong. Which because if you see their underpants, of course you know what color they are.

Unless you are color blind which is unfortunate and perhaps the reason you have taken to bullying other children about their undergarments as you are frustrated and mad that they know the difference between red and green and constantly flaunt this fact and relentlessly tease you with little songs they made up, skipping around you in circles whilst singing about turquoise and chartreuse, I don't know, that's how children work.

all right cool thing virus broken rip

So like an hour ago I got a billion pop up alerts and things saying my computer was infected and that all sites were attack sites and the thing that was saying all of this was not a virus protection program I had installed which was not good and I couldn't open any windows or programs because it said everything was a threat, the virus program that is itself not a virus program but a virus did, so then I tried to restart my computer in safe mode to begin the process of extricating the virus but then it wouldn't and won't load past a certain thing and the screen is just black and it won't start up normally now either sooooooooooooo I am talking to a Windows person and things are progressing slowly but I have a feeling that they are not progressing at all in actuality?? End my life.

I don't know what to write about besides that as it is p much entirely consuming my brain's mental processes at the moment. I was planning on posting pictures of pages and cool things from one of the annotated Harry Potter books I've gotten so far, but I am on our old old laptop which's screen is dead and is hooked up to a nice monitor but the computer is just a bad old slow laptop that sucks and I don't want to even try to import pictures onto this thing.

The very polite and hopefully helpful Nazrul H has just told me that there is only one more thing we can try before the last option which is the reinstallation of Windows :( which does that delete stuff? I mean I assume it would. But not all the stuff. I don't know anything about computers.

Sorry this is the worst blog of all time and of interest to no one ever.

I really do abuse my laptop, and it is two years old now and is on pretty much 24/7 which is awful and I use it all day and I've never had any problems with viruses before so this was pretty inevitable but come on! BOOOOOOO.

Um umm tomorrow I have that aforementioned meeting with a college/career counselor tomorrow which hopefully will set some things up or make them clearer, at least. And then on Friday I am going with my family and my cousins to African Safari Wildlife Park, one of those things where you drive your car through a thing and the giraffes stick their heads in your window and lick your face or bite you or whatever. We used to go there a lot. They have camel rides and I guess pig races which I don't remember ever seeing before though my mom swears we did. So that will be fun hopefully. I want to get a lot of good pictures; that would be rad. AND WOULD MAKE A GOOD BLOG!

I think that that is all for today. This has been a good distraction whilst waiting for Nazrul to respond to the idiotic things I am typing at him/her.

my sleeping patterns really need to change

So I've just woken up again, with 45 minutes of the day left. I am with Zack; why does blogger/blogspot have two names it doesn't make any sense at all.

Ok so on Thursday I am going to see a counselor at college to talk about my future educational plans and what classes I'll need to be able to fulfill those plans and if those plans are even possible through LCCC which is a local community college that you really can only get associate's degrees from but which has partnership programs for many bachelor's and master's (I don't care where those apostrophes are supposed to go) degrees where you take classes at LC or online but take them through other colleges like Ohio State or Bowling Green.

I'm not sure what I want to do yet, but I need to choose something now, and for now I'm going with library/information science which is a master's degree program and available through Kent State. But that is a master's degree thing and I only have an associates which is p much 2 years of classes, and you need to have a bachelor's before you can go for your master's, obviously. And so I'm not sure what I'm going to be able to do with that. I don't know what degree would best benefit me or prepare me for the master's thing.

Plus and it's a MASTER'S DEGREE and I don't want to go to school any more I don't I don't I just want to be a librarian maybe or just be around books or just something I don't know I am apathetic and indecisive and unmotivated and scared and I don't want to do anything ever!!!!!!!!!!1

Also we're babysitting my neighbors' fish and it's a beta fish in one of those typical beta fish vases with colored rocks in the bottom and plants stuck in the top and it's just a little vase and what a sad life to live, even for a fish.

edit: I wrote this post in 12 minutes which I think is pretty good considering I just just woke up and I don't know what the heck I'm talking about.

another beda thing family and something i woke up very late

Hi hey hello today is August second almost not even that any more. I have a very very bad sleep schedule and just woke up like 15 minutes ago. I was up earlier today though and there were daycare kids here and we watched some of the Lindsay Lohan version of the Parent Trap. That movie is great and my sister used to not be allowed to watch the part with the lizards crawling on the mean lady because she had nightmares about it.

I guess we are supposed to talk about our families today?? I don't know; I have a sister Kara who is 16 and who is painfully the typically teenagery kind of person. She likes the worst music, very seriously 'whatever's on the radio played at a reasonable volume'. She is about the same height as me which is about 5'10" but is lankier. She takes like 2 hours to get ready in the morning. She plays volleyball and basketball at school and is pretty good at both though better at volleyball. She isn't aggressive enough (on the court, believe me she is plenty aggressive @ me and other things) to be a really good basketball player. She just got her ear pierced which was a big thing and broke up with her boyfriend who she was dating for like a year and a half or something who I didn't like who just pretty much grunted all the time and didn't speak clearly ever and who was a very bleh kind of person and not very nice to people in general except for her which ugh. But so yeah that's all she's been driving a lot recently which is terrifying because she is STILL not very good at turning.

And my parents are normal typical parents. My mom does daycare at our house, which she has done for like 10 years, maybe? Before that she was an accountant at a law firm. Right now she doesn't have very many kids and doesn't watch them very often. My grandma has pretty bad Alzheimer's and still lives alone (which she definitely shouln't at this point), and my mom goes over there pretty much every day to make sure she's ok and take care of things and make sure she hasn't put laundry detergent in the dryer or cat litter in the laundry basket or her pill dispenser in the microwave. Other than that, she likes gardening and playing Hearts on the internet and reading facebook every hour of the day and following everything I ever do or say online ever. Which she is reading this right now I am sure ugh.

My dad works at a factory kind of place that makes plugs. Which I have never been too sure exactly what they do but from deformed pieces he's brought home, I can tell you that they are big heavy blobby metal things. I think they have to do with lawnmowers and other machines like that. He likes airplanes a lot and all things related to them in wars and etc. He likes taking care of his leather jacket(s?) all the time, putting polish or whatever it is that you put on leather things, and the jackets have a billion military and NASA and etc patches all over them which I find really amusing as he's never served in or done anything w/r/t military stuff. He also has a giant collection of hats that he always tries to make larger though he is normally stopped by my mom because he doesn't need that many hats at all duh!! And never hardly wears the ones he has any more, even.

Also I'm supposed to say five words that I always misspell:
1. jewelery
2. hallelujah
3. annihilate
4. silhouette
5. coliseum

BEDA 2010 AUGUST NOT APRIL AND NO MAUREEN JOHNSON RIP

Today is August first! The first day of August! And people decided that it would be Blog Every Day August! Or Vlog Every Day August! Even the name BEDA makes me happy because the ED implies that every day is, in fact, two words in this type of usage which is a good and wonderful and true thing. I'm typing this while listening to Katie and Geri and Maddie and Blaze and MANAR (I HAVE MISSED YOU MANAR) talk in a call made possible by skype dot com, and whenever I try to think to type when there are other people?? my type of typing is weird, and also when I type blogs specifically to type blogs I phrase things differently and oddly and strangely and I don't know whatever never mind.

Haha I keep trying to go on John Green's old website to find a blog post and it keeps telling me it's full of viruses NICE.

So for the first day I am doing an introductory post-ish? And then telling you five hobbies or things I like or enjoy that not very many people know about.

I did BEDA in April last year and actually completed it, though a few entries were posted slightly after midnight, I did it I did it I did it ok.

And things I like that nobody probably knows:

I like fire! A lot. I like burning things and setting things on fire and etc. A few days ago I roasted miniature marshmallows in my living room, which my mom who woke up to go to the bathroom at 3 am was not very pleased about. A bunch of times on hot or bright days I like to go outside with a magnifying glass and try to set leaves on fire or burn holes in plastic bottles or whatever. It is very fun.

Honeysuckles like the flowers are so amazing, and we have a bunch of bushes on the back fence in our back yard, and every summer when they are bloomed, I love going back there and picking a bunch, just the flower part, and then pulling the stamen out through the bottom and there is like nectar in there that is really good. And they smell nice but they attract a lot of bugs which is dumb and bad.

Sledding is one of my favorite things ever, and winter and snow and being outside in all of it. One of the only reasons I like Ohio at all is because it has good real winters with cold enough temperatures to sustain snow. A lot of days in the winter I go outside and stay out there for hours at a time and now that I am older and it is not really acceptable to play in the snow or roll around when you are by yourself and 18 or 19 or 20 years old WHICH IS LAME but I do anyways and sometimes just lie there for forever and am completely entirely content and happy just doing that.

I love roller coasters. And amusement parks. Mostly just Cedar Point, I guess. Because that is really the only park I've been to multiple times besides Geauga Lake/Sea World/whatever it is now. My family used to get season passes every year, and we'd go like 10 times a summer, but for the past 5 or so years we haven't because things cost too much money and we're poor. When I was younger, like 12 or 13, I memorized the stats of a ridiculous amount of roller coasters. What year they were built, top speed, height, track length, type, any achievements or Firsts or whatever. I did a report/presentation/powerpoint on the history of Cedar Point for my final-ish for US Geography last year. I REALLY REALLY LOVE CEDAR POINT, YOU GUYS.

In high school I did the volleyball scorebook for the junior high and sometimes JV or Varsity teams. This seems like a dumb boring thing but the process and all of keeping them is really hard and involved and insanely complicated, and it took me about a month to get it all down and to not feel like I was screwing everything up always. So I went to pretty much every game of my sister's every year which was pretty cool and fun because I didn't have a life so I had lots of free time so it was cool! It was neat to travel around everywhere and a lot of riding in vans and eating concession stand food.