man babies

I don't know what to write about; there is 10 minutes until midnight. I decided that I'm making the every day part of BEDA mean before I go to sleep and not actually the day day like before midnight because otherwise all of my blogs ever will be rushed.

But today I want to finish before midnight, mostly so I can see how many words I can type in ten minutes.

If I had things to say! Uh! I don't know!

I like children a lot if they are nice children and not bratty; you really can tell a lot about a family/parents by how their kid acts. There's such a wide spectrum of kid behavior, and in my opinion it's pretty much all a result of how they're raised. I've known a lot of babies and children and have seen a lot of them grow up into like 8th graders and etc; my mom has done daycare from our house for a long long time. But now she's stopping that and has slowly been slowing down over the past year or so and now only has two or three days with kids left and then she's done. But anyway, it makes me feel so old. A child that I held when it was a few weeks or months old is now in 3rd or 4th or 5th grade? Something like that. And obviously I've been around to see people who are a lot older than that now be born, but I have a specific memory of holding him and watching him when he was so little, I remember it exactly. And my mom has watched him this whole time up until a year or so ago, and he still sometimes comes over, and to see someone grow from that to this, to have them around a lot, but not being related to them, to see how they change as they get older, their mannerisms emerge and they mature and what they like and etc, because you don't have that kind of influence that you'd normally have if you were around a kid that much, they're someone else's, I don't know, IT'S JUST WEIRD.

That didn't make much sense, but I guess what I am trying to say is that it is so weird to see someone grow up. Things always feel the same to me and I don't like change and I like routine and sometimes I get so involved in that that being reminded by this kind of a simple thing, the "wow, you've grown!" is so jarring at times and amazing and strange and I almost feel privileged to be in a position where I can witness something like that, but now that's going away mostly and I will miss it but I won't miss when the kids slam down the toilet lid at 7am and wake me up.

*-*

my day
i got a waffle iron
and a webcam
i am on tokbox now
and for the last five minutes
i have been watching my eye
dart back and forth
on the screen
amen

very short TOO BAD

Okay so this was today:

I went over to my aunt's house to help her fix her wireless printer which was not working. She had a copy of An Abundance of Katherines on her table and it was weird and cool. Went home and read a book then went to a butterfly garden with my mom and her two daycare kids Bennett and Becca. It was really really rad and I got a lot of great pictures. There was some other stuff there too that we looked at, animals in things, and a play area, then we walked into the woods/by the river/on a trail right there and we dropped sticks from the bridge and raced them and then we went down by the creek and skipped rocks and Bennett who is like 5 or 6 could do it way better than I could and kept skipping them all the way across the river IT WAS CRAZY.

I'm using internet explorer at the moment because firefox is being really slow and so there's no spell check so APOLOGIES.

Then we went back into the butterfly thing and I took more pictures and it was adorable then we went home.

Then I went up to computer place to get my computer back. The people did all this weird crap to it and it wasn't like the default settings you'd get if you got a new computer, which it was supposed to be, at least that was what I thought, so I've been having to change a toooon of settings and appearance things and it's annoying and now I'm trying to install all the programs I had before and it's taking so long and I'm going crazy. But at least it works.

Then home and we had corn on the cob aka the greatest thing. And I read Going Bovine a bunch and am going to beat Sierra hopefully and yeah and yeah. Itunes is taking 50 years to install I hate u itunes.

Bye.

things that are pleasurable for a finite amount of time and then make you feel bad

a list (these are not all from personal, firsthand experiences but some are and some i am feeling the effects of this very moment)

• chinese food
• weed
• twilight
• killing someone
• making fun of nerdfighter secrets
• drinking
• smacking maddie in the face
• cookie dough ice cream debate
• memes
• sleeping for a day
• emotional breakdown on twitter
• letting your dog drive the car
• listening to hindsight is 20/20 for 2 hrs on repeat
• busting loose
• amusement park water ride
• skipping drawing class (no mom this is a sometimes hypothetical not from experience list)
• watching the next food network star
• chewing on a silly band
• taking all the clothes out of your dresser
• walking to the post office in 95 degree weather and wearing 2 shirts
• kick a ababy@

i live in ohio

Ohio is a pretty cool state. I know that it is usually used as the stereotypical plain boring soulless place in tv shows and etc. One time on Arthur, Arthur's family was having a family reunion and at one part Arthur tells his class about it and that some of his relatives came from Ohio and the whole class goes "OoOoOoOooo Ohiiiiiiooo" in the most sarcastic ever voice, and that made me sad, when I was little. And also that they brought him maple syrup from Ohio, which I don't think that's even a thing here? Or at least definitely not something we are known for.

But yeah. I like Ohio. We get actual seasons, hot hot way too freaking hot summers and winter and feet of snow and so on. There are a lot of interesting things here too. I think that can be said for any place or town, no matter how much people complain or say that their town is boring and THERE'S NOTHING TO DO! but there is. There is, at the very least, a lot to learn, a lot of local history.

I've always been enthralled by that kind of stuff. When I was 13 or 14, there was this little camp or week long activity thing at one of the historic old homes near the library; the house is called The Hickories. It was ridiculously neat. We learned about the different styles of houses and architectural features in the area and what life was like in the 1800s or 1900s or whatever time period and we made some foods that were made back then: some kind of cornbread and a maple syrup candy, which okay maybe we do do things with maple syrup, all right? I don't know.

The whole week was very fun and nerdy, but I was and am a nerd, duh.

Also Ohio, just northeast Ohio, has Cedar Point and Geauga Lake or Six Flags or whatever it's called now and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Great Lakes Science Center which is one of my favorite places ever.

And right near there, there is an old World War II submarine in the harbor, the USS Cod. I went there on a field trip in high school, and it was one of the neatest things I've ever experienced. There was so much stuff packed into that tiny space, every part and place having a function and made to be of maximum efficiency. We had to almost crawl through some of the doorways, and there was a lot of ladder climbing. It even had an ice cream maker. To think that all those men lived in there, that that 312 foot piece of steel and whatever had everything needed to sustain them and fight and travel and submerge, that it was built in 1942, that it still exists and is a thing anyone can walk through and see now, that is so awesome to me. Everything is as it was then. It's like a time capsule of life, a weird eerie glimpse into what it was like to live on, and plus the old technology, it was so freaking fascinating. If you want to see some stuff about it, here is its site, and really check out the virtual tour; it gives a pretty good sense of what it is like to be in there.

Another thing Ohio has a lot of is canals. We went on a field trip to some of those too once, and again, it was cool EVERYTHING IS SO COOL. We went to a lot of shops and got to ride a canal boat. I don't remember much other than that but I do remember that it was rad and that I want to go there again.

One more thing I just remembered that I will talk about and then I will stop; I'm sorry; a lot of this is probably bland and very vague for people who are not me, but all of these old memories have popped into my brain and I am going to take an Ohio history course this semester, which I guess is what made me think of all this etc etc ok.

Johnson's Island was a prison camp for confederate prisoners of war that is in Lake Erie. I did a report on it in junior high and was always fascinated (how many times fascinated and interested I need more words to say things with. with which to say things) by all of it. Like in the winter when the lake froze, men would try to escape by walking over the ice to what is now Cedar Point or Sandusky or Marblehead. After the war, there was an attempt to make it a ~pleasure place~ and it rivaled Cedar Point for a while until the buildings kept catching on fire and they gave up. A few years ago I got to go up there with my family and it was cool and creepy to see all of the stuff there, the cemetery and little visitor's center that had a lot of artifacts and letters and documents and such. Most of the island is private property now though and people live on it.

CONCLUSION: Ohio is cool and history owns and there is history everywhere and you should check out your city or town or area; there is a lot to learn and it is rad.

i just typed a bunch of stuff

I want to be more positive! I feel like I get caught up in bad and unchangeable or just petty petty things and it's dumb to do that and it makes everything hard and awful. Cynicism is so easy and it is simple to resort to that and it distances you from a lot of things and detaches you from emotion and also irony and all the layers and layers of meanness and coldness and depreciating things until you are so far away that you're numb to everything and your feelings are buried so deep under so many layers of crap that it's suffocating and lonely and I don't want to be that way any more. I want to be grateful and earnest and direct and encouraging and I don't want to make fun of people or the things they enjoy or taunt or mock.

Mostly because my conscience is ridiculously harsh and uptight and I feel guilty about and over everything for forever and pathetically so; I can never forget the crap I've done to people. I am a guilt hole. Haha that sounds gross or something.

But so yes! Be more encouraging! Be nice! Find the good in things! Appreciate the things you have!

For the past week I have been wanting SO badly to go to the beach or mountains or rivers or somewhere expansive and huge and overwhelming and nature is so calming and beautiful and gahhh I gotta get out of the city and away from pavement and street lights and look at the stars and take in the radness of life and the universe is pretty neat.

I do not know what this says even I just typed the things in my brain; they are probably not coherent!

list

Things I did today:

• Woke up at 10:30.
• Made a pizza.
• Walked up to computer repair place with my computer. They are just going to do stuff to it to make it like new again; I have everything backed up, so it shouldn't be a problem. And it will be ready on Monday! And it was only like dollars 90!
• Got a frosty at Wendy's. I love you Wendy.
• Requested transcripts to send to Cleveland State for college thing.
• Read a lot of House of Leaves.
• Went to Big Lots where I got a few good movies for dollars three each; one of which is The Squid and the Whale, which, I think, is from where the very rad band Noah and the Whale got their name. Also I bought silly bands. Ok. They glow in the dark and are shaped like mythical creatures and rock music instruments. Ok. I felt bad/embarrassed about buying them because the cashier was like 30-40 but then I saw she was wearing some too so.
• Went to the post office to mail something but forgot my debit card so I just weighed it and figured out how much the postage will cost and will put a bajillion stamps on it later.
• Read more of House of Leaves which is freaking me out more and more and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhh gasps. No no no no!
• Wrote a blog (it's this blog!!!!!!!)
• Watched The Squid and the Whale (We are gettin all crazy messing with the fabric of time and continuums are being ripped to shreds, watch out!).

Also interspersed in there are a lot of twitter refreshings and tumblr checkings and etc.

Oh also also Andrew and I exchanged many computer weepings and gnashings of teeths.

And I drank a lot of milk.